This post is probably the hardest post for me to write because the emotions I'm about to pour out here are so fucking deep-seated and intertwined that I can't pick out the particular ones at play.

A bit of anger, disgust, tiredness...

For anyone rolling their eyes while reading this, I should remind you that I pretty much warned you that this post is so emosh duuude!!! If you don't consider that a fair warning, I will also add that this is a weird story about kids and penises. Now that you're fully aware of what you're getting yourself into, let's go.

My brother and I were bonding with some alcohol at some time of the day, - was it morning, afternoon, or evening? - talking about some weird psychological concepts. Like how getting over a sad or emotional story as a man and a woman are so different.

I told him about one of Bill Burr's podcast episodes where one of the male listeners talked about being molested by a cab driver in Dubai.

The driver was trying to play with the listener's dick in a moving vehicle. The guy fought him off successfully but the incident stuck with him and he had been struggling with it even as at the time he was writing to Bill.

Bill Burr said the best thing you can do as a man is to bury that story or if you’re a comic, find a way to come out with the story so you look like a victor who is laughing about the incident and not someone feeling sorry for himself.

My brother told me about his friends who traded stories while they were all getting wasted and recounting molestation tales of years past. He said most of them were being unspecific about the details of their stories and suddenly this dude that I'm guessing was super drunk goes,

"MY UNCLE MADE ME LICK HIS DICK!!"

The room full of drunk guys paused for a moment and analyzed what they had just heard before bursting into laughter.

Blame it on whatever you want but most men were not raised to process that type of information in that type of situation with warm hugs, especially if we respect you.

Maybe if we didn’t respect you, we'd pat you on the back and ask what your preferences were...kinked or one ball, you know.

Ewwww

When we were teenagers, I tried to have a deep conversation like that one with my asshole cousin. His response was: “Did he do it with butter or Vaseline?” while laughing his ass out.

The slap that was heard around the world

That slap was felt by me. Yeah everyone heard it and saw it, but I felt it.

I felt it because I could so easily be the guy talking trash and getting beat up.

There are so many people who developed a sense of humor because otherwise they'd be so bitter and couldn't live that way.

Now, granted, comedy is an art form and should be appreciated as an art, an act on stage. It is inspired and you can't tell its source.

Why I'm writing

I'm really not trying to fix the world's view of comedy or how men are seen. It’s a new comedy week and I thought I should write something endearing.

Happy that you made it to the end...PEACE!!