Christmas Night Part 1

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The Christmas party night is always an Chez Blanchez's as myself and my wife would go to our own parents for Christmas dinner so we would always host the much anticipated Christmas night party for family and friends, orphans or anyone else that was at a loose end. But mad Uncle Ray and Auntie Mary had not participated for a few years now which was disappointing. Their exile had been as long as @exyle's on Hive and the night was not the same without them. The reason for their exile was they had to stay home with their alchy son of theirs and pretend to have a good time drinking water. Meeting Uncle Ray in the barbers before Christmas , I knew that he was only gagging for the invite. His son Jeff was pushing fucking 42. Leave him with his hot cocoa to watch White House Down and come the feck down to our house for the craic! Uncle Ray said yes before I even asked him the question. He nearly bit my hand off. The last Christmas night they were down was one of the funniest nights in history.

We played that game called Heads up where you put a card on your forehead. Something like Indian poker but with famous people. The Card contains a person or animal. Uncle Ray unbeknownst to him was the Lord Jesus Christ himself. He sat at the other side of the room with a halo over his head. Ray did not know who he was. He was looking at my card on my head ( Tiger Woods) which I did not know who I was. Around 20 people filled the sitting room with cards stuck on their forehead. It ranged from Osama Bin laden to Marylyn Monroe, Mickey Mouse and Miss Piggy. The father was Adolf Hitler . A friend Jimmy who grew up as an orphan ironically pulled Oliver Twist which was funny enough in itself but everyone was focused on Jesus Christ sitting there in the corner full of whiskey. The aim of the game is you can ask the crowd a question that had a yes or no answer. Due to Uncle Rays unhealthy infatuation with golf while on his 6th whiskey and the fact that I had Tiger Woods on my head. Rays first question was
"Am I black?"
This sent the room into howls of laughter only for the laughter to then die down after been taken over by the most geo-political religious discussion of all time without giving away who Uncle Ray was. Was Jesus black?? Good fucking question. Jesus is from the middle east. If he's not black, he is most definitely brown. Mary spouted up that he was not brown in any picture that she saw of him. He was most definitely white. After much discussion we decided that Jesus was not black. So it went onto the next player. Unlike Uncle Ray most people would start with "am I a man or a woman?" so the game went on a few rounds smoothly enough. We started getting down the the nitty gritty. Tony was up next after finding out that he was indeed a man, not a black man. His third question of "Am I Alive?" drew further debate after the whole Easter Sunday debacle as we all questioned the religion we were born into but reality kicked in and Tony was told that he was indeed a dead man. After another few goes around , people started getting their own person right. Even the father guess Adolf fairly swiftly after his question am I a serial killer? But Ray was one of the last people to still have to guess his card. It came to the last question that Uncle Ray could ask.
"I'm gonna have to risk it and ask a really mad question. I think I might know the answer."
In fairness to Uncle Ray Jesus was pretty hard.

"Ok ask away Uncle Ray"
"Was I born on Christmas Day??"
The whole room went mad. Drinks spilled. Glasses fell off tables. Everyone gave a massive roar. "Yessssssssss" Well done Ray Fair play to you

But Ray was not out of the woods yet. My sister who was the quiz master and most sober asked for hush. This was it. The final answer was coming. The room went silent.

Am IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

##Santa Claus?

The whole room erupted in laughter.
Ray's non alcoholic sons and daughters face palmed themselves. His socially awkward teenage granddaughter looked like she was going to die with embarrassment. People were jumping around. Drink was flying. My wife was laughing through the pain of our house getting destroyed around us. Jamesons fell on the floor. Another Uncle tripped trying to take the card of Rays forehead and cut his own head. My father in law was physically choking on laughter. One of the aunties fell back on her chair. The place was in chaos. Squeels of laughter everywhere. Uncle Ray just sat there letting his it all sink in trying to explain his reasoning. He kept saying does anyone know when Santa's birthday is as some kind of serious argument to get him out of the mess him and his 6 double Jamesons had got him into.

Meanwhile back in the barbers Ray confirmed that they will attend. I was delighted. Let the Christmas games begin .