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Uh oh ... when you have to fire yourself ... but then hire your replacement ... never mind. It will save you an interview to just stay put ... all that running back and forth around the desk to ask and answer questions ... nah ...

Plus I am an asshole as both interviewer and interviewee, so the process will just make me angry more and more.

So you are unemployable ... but you'd have to fire yourself ... don't do it. You may not be able to get your job back because you don't need to hire you!