A friend told me to use a stanza of my poem to write another one. According to him, that stanza is particularly good. The original poem is right here
This is the second stanza;
My voice has grown light,
My thoughts are scattered,
Like yellow leaves falling off the trees.
I can see the flicker of light behind my eyes,
Like an errant firefly,
Waiting for me to reach it.
This is what I came up with. I wanted to begin with everything at first but figured I could break them apart and write something in-between. Read and tell me what you think.
My voice has grown light,
My thoughts are scattered,
Like yellow leaves falling off the trees.
I can feel breath leaving my body
Bit by bit
Like a deflating balloon
I'm like an exhausted child
So bullied by the world
He could barely stand
But something is different
This time the dark clouds can't hold me down
I hear their gasps as they struggle
I can feel the sun on my face
The smiling rays beckoning to me
The warmth melting my insides
There's a flicker of light behind my eyes,
Like an errant firefly,
Waiting for me to reach it.
Oh this is lovely @chinyerevivian, it has such a lovely and brings more depth to your original verse. What a clever idea, I might have to try it on one of my poems xxxx
Thank you, Ash. I think I would try it often with my previous poems when I run out of ideas. There's a lot to learn from it.
I love the imagery you use, you really bring the words to life. I love seeing the transformation of the stanza from the first poem to this one. A lot of the time when I want to write but don't have inspiration, I'll take a look at my really old stuff and play with it a bit to make something new.
Thank you, Beth. I've been nursing that idea. It just might bring back my flow.
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Lovely, very beautiful wings, flows perfectly with the writing, I loved this paragraph very much:
A hug and many Blessings.
Thank you, Joseito. I appreciate the words.