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“So, I just found out from Vertran that you just need 20 good years of minimum service to get a good military pension, so, Cousin Harry, I need you to sign me up now, because, see, I counted with my fingers and my toes, and if I sign up now, I can retire and be like Papa when I'm 25, see, because, then, all the Robert Edward Ludlowness will be together and have time to take care of the family, and Vertran said the money keeps coming while his dad does whatever he wants, and so, what I want is to be able to help Papa out more because we have the Robert Edward Ludlowness on both ends, see, because, and then –.”
“How about you just breathe?” Col. H.F. Lee said to his baby Ludlow cousin, Robert Edward Ludlow III, who was trying to get a commission to West Point like his grandfather, Capt. Robert Edward Ludlow Sr.
Lil' Robert was five years old, and the thing about Lil' Robert was that he understood as much as he could about things children five and six years older than him understood … but they only half understood, and so he only a quarter of the way understood, but made it up with sheer audacity and enthusiasm!
Mrs. Maggie Lee could not cope with Lil' Robert when he was like this; she was off somewhere laughing, and Col. Lee was glad for every ounce of command composure he had!
“So, let's learn a bit more about minimum service requirements,” he said when Lil' Robert had caught his breath. “You still have to meet just a few benchmarks.”
“Don't tell me I'm too short!” Lil' Robert said. “I have a real tall soul and I'll grow fast – next week, though!”
“Next week, though!” Col. Lee agreed. “The problem is, you have to have at least graduated from kindergarten –.”
“Next year, though!” Lil' Robert said.
“And then you need all of elementary and middle school, and at least three years of high school,” Col. Lee said. “With special dispensation, you can enter West Point as a senior in high school.”
Lil' Robert considered this.
“I'm home schooled, though – I'm going to graduate early!”
“How early were you planning to do this?” Col. Lee said.
“Well, with this Covid stuff, I've got nothing but time, so, I'm going to get serious about subtraction because I can already add real good – next week, though! – and then Grayson told me that if we just read up more, we'll get to some real page turners, and I look forward to having books in which the pages turn themselves, and so then it's gonna be real easy to read, see, because, then I won't have to turn pages, and I can use them to dig around outside and do science at the same time!”
“You might want to get your crayons and do your essays while your hands are free,” Col. Lee said.
“Yeah, 'cuz I have a lot of stuff I want to write about,” Lil' Robert said, “so, I'll do writing sometimes and science sometimes, and then on the weekend I'll practice my marching, so, yeah, I ought be able to knock all this stuff out in five years.”
Col. Lee considered this, and smiled.
“Next decade, though!” he said.
“Yeah – next decade, though – uh, how much is a decade?”
“Ten years – at the pace you plan to go, you'll be ten, and then in your next decade, starting when you are eleven, you will be the youngest cadet at West Point.”
“That oughta get me in that Guinness book thingy!” Lil' Robert said.
“Yes, young sir, it will get you into the Guinness Book of World Records,” Col. Lee said, “and you will deserve it, Robert.”
“Well, I'm not trying to be there if I don't deserve it!” Lil' Robert said. “My name is Robert Edward Ludlow too – I mean, Three – Robert Edward Ludlowness means we have standards!”
“Indeed you do,” Col. Lee said. “I will be honored to crayon you in myself, right after I write your commission at eleven years old to West Point.”
“Look forward to it, because I'm gonna make it happen!” Lil' Robert said. “I'm going to go get some marching practice in before I see Papa and tell him!”
“Form, Robert – get those knees up, and I'll be back to inspect in just a minute – we've got about an hour, so take your time and do it right.”
Col. Lee went to check on his wife, who was face down on the sofa laughing.
“You've got about an hour too, so take your time and do it right,” he said, and left her screaming into the cushions.