Abrazando la locura | Embracing madness (ESP/ENG)

Era una habitación tan oscura y vacía, que la soledad hacia presencia en los golpes del inquebrantable silencio retumbando en las paredes, no podía ver ni mis manos, ni nada en la habitación, a decir verdad no recuerdo la ultima vez que pude ver algo, empiezo a olvidar lo que se siente ver, lo que se siente salir de esta oscuridad impenetrable, inquebrantable.

It was a room so dark and empty, that the loneliness was present in the blows of the unbreakable silence echoing on the walls, I could not see my hands, or anything in the room, to tell the truth I do not remember the last time I could see anything, I begin to forget what it feels like to see, what it feels like to get out of this impenetrable, unbreakable darkness.

Paso los días (o noches, ¿quien sabe?, ya perdí sentido del tiempo) sentado en una fría esquina, intentando imaginar que aun soy o que aun seré, hablando con "el" para creer que no soy el único acá, y verdaderamente, esta peor que yo, mientras permanezco inmutable, el llora y se descontrola, se golpea y grita, pide morir y la vida lo abraza como aquellas musas que llegan en rescate de los artistas abandonados, pero el dolor nunca lo abandona. Pobre, debería aprender un poco de mi, que permanecí en la cordura y serenidad a pesar de que el no sea real y yo este solo.

I spend my days (or nights, who knows, I've lost sense of time) sitting in a cold corner, trying to imagine that I still am or will be, talking to "him" to believe that I am not the only one here, and truly, he is worse than me, while I remain unchanged, he cries and gets out of control, he hits himself and screams, he asks to die and life embraces him like those muses that come to the rescue of abandoned artists, but the pain never leaves him. Poor thing, he should learn a little from me, who remained sane and serene even though he is not real and I am alone.

Ese fue el inicio de lo que pronto descubriría sería mi nueva realidad, ¿en que momento la realidad dejo de serlo y la luz perdió sentido?. Quizá fui tan cínico de mi, que descuidé la paz y perdí el sendero, caí perdido entre paredes y paredes oscuras, no diviso cerrojos, no presencio salidas, y aun así, quizá como prueba de que aun soy humano, tengo esa tenacidad que resalta en el ultimo rincón del pensamiento y se postra en el borde oculto del paladar, nada me lo dice, nada me lo enseña, y sin embargo yo lo siento, hay una salida.

That was the beginning of what I would soon discover would be my new reality, at what point did reality cease to be reality and the light lost its meaning? Maybe I was so cynical of me, that I neglected peace and lost the path, I fell lost between walls and dark walls, I do not see locks, I do not foresee exits, and yet, perhaps as proof that I am still human, I have that tenacity that stands out in the last corner of thought and prostrate on the hidden edge of the palate, nothing tells me, nothing teaches me, and yet I feel it, there is a way out.

Procedí a tranquilizar al que parecía ser mi compañero, aunque claro, yo no he caído en el abismo donde el se encuentra. Se que no es real, se que esta en mi mente, sin embargo lo único que me salva de la soledad, es la mentira de su compañía. Me dedique por horas a intentar calmarle sin ningún resultado fijo, el incauto se empeñaba en mantener un pie dentro y uno fuera del abismo, era quizá el tártaro de su locura tan placentero como doloroso, era tal vez su dolor dentro del averno menor que su temor fuera de el. Entre los lapsos distantes de locura con intervalos de cordura me narró cautivado, aquella historia que me dejaría perplejo.

I proceeded to reassure what seemed to be my companion, although of course, I have not fallen into the abyss where he is. I know he is not real, I know he is in my mind, but the only thing that saves me from loneliness is the lie of his company. I spent hours trying to calm him down without any fixed result, the incautious one insisted on keeping one foot in and one foot out of the abyss, perhaps the tartar of his madness was as pleasant as it was painful, perhaps his pain inside the abyss was less than his fear outside it. Between distant lapses of madness with intervals of sanity he narrated to me, captivated, that story that would leave me perplexed.

Ésta habitación, según su narrativa era un laberinto. Un laberinto en el que entró sin vacilar y sin pensar en el camino, solo divisaba la salida entre los oscuros torbellinos que su vista le permitía. Desfilaba con paso decidido y mirada de triunfo, un triunfo que caería más rápido que una moneda de un centavo al fondo de un acantilado. Un triunfo que sólo existió en el comienzo y morirá antes del final. Un triunfo falso que le hizo percatarse de la falsa salida. Un triunfo que su mente le dio y le quitó, como a un niño que le dan un premio y se lo arrebatan. Era un laberinto deforme y desquiciado, como si pensara, como si sintiera, como si el averno se manifestara para no dejarlo salir, como si su cuerpo cediera y su mente muriera. Era un laberinto que no pidió y no completo, que no deseo y no vivió, ya que estos muros caían ante el y se reconstruían, hasta el día en que cayeron y no renacieron, marcando el final de su recorrido sin salida, marcando la satisfacción de dejar de fracasar, dejar de intentar.

This room, according to his narrative, was a labyrinth. A labyrinth in which he entered without hesitation and without thinking about the way, he only saw the exit among the dark whirlwinds that his sight allowed him. He paraded with a determined step and a look of triumph, a triumph that would fall faster than a penny at the bottom of a cliff. A triumph that existed only in the beginning and would die before the end. A false triumph that made him realize the false start. A triumph that his mind gave him and took away from him, like a child who is given a prize and it is taken away. It was a deformed and deranged labyrinth, as if he thought, as if he felt, as if the avernus manifested itself not to let him out, as if his body gave in and his mind died. It was a labyrinth that he did not ask for and did not complete, that he did not desire and did not live, as these walls fell before him and rebuilt themselves, until the day they fell and were not reborn, marking the end of his dead-end journey, marking the satisfaction of ceasing to fail, ceasing to try.

Quedo atónito y perplejo ante su narrativa. ¿Como puede este hombre, que solo habita dentro de mi ser tan real, y haber sufrido tanto? ¿Significará esto mi locura?. Éstas y muchas mas dudas abundan en la piscina desbordada de mis pensamientos, me siento cautivo dentro de un rumbo desconocido, con un guía perdido lejos de la cordura, con una meta invidente ante estos tiempos oscuros. Entre duda y duda siento como la piscina se desborda, y así es como lo entiendo. Ha estado tan claro desde el inicio y yo tan ciego que no percate su conocido. Días fueron muchos en los que me encontré vagando entre pensamientos internos, paseando creativo por los pasillos de mi mente, hasta que un día sin tomar consciencia, quedé atrapado acá, en este laberinto de pensamientos, en mi mente.

I am astonished and perplexed by his narrative. How can this man, who dwells only within me be so real, and have suffered so much? Does this mean my madness? These and many more doubts abound in the overflowing pool of my thoughts, I feel captive within an unknown course, with a lost guide far from sanity, with a blind goal in these dark times. Between doubt and doubt I feel the pool overflowing, and this is how I understand it. It has been so clear from the beginning and I have been so blind that I did not realize it was known. There were many days in which I found myself wandering among internal thoughts, creatively wandering through the corridors of my mind, until one day, without being aware of it, I was trapped here, in this labyrinth of thoughts, in my mind.

Al tomar conciencia de todo lo entiendo claramente. Tanto tiempo que me creí cuerdo, cuando en realidad escondía la locura en estos pasillos oscuros. Pobre hombre desahuciado que fue abandonado por mi en soledad. Es hora de abrazar el lado oscuro, de calmar al hombre y adoptar su locura. Es momento de aceptar este tormento y con la locura tomada de la mano, dominar este laberinto mental donde nos hemos cautivado, donde nos hemos privado de ser libres.

As I become aware of everything, I understand it clearly. So long I thought I was sane, when in reality I was hiding madness in these dark corridors. Poor destitute man who was abandoned by me in solitude. It's time to **embrace the dark side**, to calm the man and embrace his madness. It is time to accept this torment and with madness taken by the hand, master this mental labyrinth where we have captivated ourselves, where we have deprived ourselves of being free.

Esta es mi participación para el proyecto de @freewritehouse. El tema en el que se basa el escrito es: “Abrazar el lado oscuro”. Las traducciones fueron echas con el traductor DeepL y la fotografia del inicio fue tomada por mi.

This is my entry for the @freewritehouse project. The theme on which the writing is based is: "Embracing the dark side". The translations were made with the translator DeepL and the picture at the beginning was taken by me.