War is hell, anyone who has been there as a combatant or bystander will attest to that. It's noise and chaos, brutal in the extreme, and there's nowhere to hide whether in the midst of battle, the lulls in between, and even when one returns home, it takes hold and never lets go; it's relentless, unforgiving and unapologetic. It was into that maelstrom I ventured the other day.
Well-equipped? Yeah, I know my way around the battlefield - I've been there more than once - but no matter one's experience, no matter how equipped one thinks they are, no one is truly ready for the battlefield.
It began upon driving into the car park.
Cars fucken everywhere, drivers doing idiot-maneuvers or simply not moving at all (both equally as bad as the other), assholes who don't know how to park between the lines, corner cutters, and...as usual no fucken car parks in sight...what made matters worse was that I'd driven my truck not my town car - it's fucken huge and more difficult to park. Yeah, war is hell and mine was just beginning.
I managed (not) to kill someone for their car park because one materialised right before me, (the gods of war looking out for me); it was one with a car on only one side so I could back the truck in very close to the other edge and prevent some wanker denting my door with their own - I'd probably definitely kill someone for that. The walk into the mall and supermarket went ok too, although the battlefield was jam packed with people I knew I may have to kill should matters escalate; I had hand grenades and many other accoutrements of war ready for just that eventuality.
Before I entered the killing field that was the supermarket proper me my partner and I enjoyed a coffee in a nice little cafe and a chat about what we needed to get in the supermarket, a moment of peace in the fury of battle...and then it was on again; war.
I got my trolley (shopping cart for you Americans) from the trolley bay and wiped it down with three thousand antibacterial wipes provided by the supermarket - all good battlefields have antibacterial wipes - because humans are fucken filthy ass-scratching, nose-picking fuckers, and entered the fray...started the killing shopping.
There were a few initial but minor skirmishes, a minefield of fucken kids and a few artillery salvos fired here and there and I almost got caught in some enfilading army tank trolley fire, but even as I thought the fighting might not be too savage, it fucken escalated into pitched battle...some asshole ran head-long into my trolley with her trolley and I spun around ready to unleash hell...but she was super cute and had great tits so I smiled and apologised for being in her way. After that though...well...it's almost too emotionally painful to recount. Almost.
There was a push-in incident at the deli counter, obviously some people just can't wait their turn to buy cold cuts. Worse, there were so many people slow-walking (fuckers must die), and even some abrupt-stoppers (goddamn it, that shit drives me nuts!). Someone took the fucken lettuce I wanted (so I blew him up with a hand grenade), and there was none of the fucken vanilla yoghurt I like on the shelf - many paid with their lives for that travesty. War really is hell.
In the image above you can see three enemy fighters just prior to them launching a surprise attack on me...but wait, there's a fourth...see that sneaky fucker hiding behind her trolley on the right...she's obviously Special Forces (well camouflaged and versed in PSYOPS) but no worries, I called in a drone strike and blew her into aisle 17.
I listened intently right after and sure enough, "clean up in aisle 17," came over the PA.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning, I thought, but there was no napalm at all, just the rank, toxic, smell of that fucken old couple just beyond the woman with the jeans on - Fucken chemical warfare. That cunt Saddam Hussein from Iraq might not have had weapons of mass destruction but those two certainly had WMD's!
It was a long battle, an hour or more, with many casualties; one was the slow as fuck checkout dude who took about three weeks to put my shopping through then packed it wrongly (I have grocery shopping OCD), and another at the deli section after she'd scooped my olives from the thing and didn't drain the oil out properly - I hate that. Paying $27/kg for feta-stuffed olives is bad enough, paying for five olives and a tub full of fucken oil...well, needless to say she'll not be scooping anything ever again; I sent her home in a body bag.
Once back to the helicopter car and with everything loaded up it was time to exfil...easier said than done with car-park-war raging all around. I managed it though and only had to ram a half dozen cars on the way out; one little old lady wasn't too pleased, she was rather indignant actually...but she'll only be able to complain once she gets out of hospital and I'll be long gone by then.
Supermarket wars occur prior to any holiday period and Christmas seems the worst; Bloody religion, always causing conflicts.
Have you had to go to war at the supermarket this season? If so, feel free to tell your story in the comments. What annoys you at the supermarket or are you one of those annoying bastards I mention above, a slow walker or abrupt stopper perhaps? Feel free to comment.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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LOL I needed that first thing this morning! I am guessing you had your war face on before you ever left the house lol.
You and your good ladyThe War Lord and his trusty General came out unscathed with your purchases intact and your War Chariot undented - WINNER. Fuckin olive scoopers!....Merry Christmas to you and your lovely lady!!
My war face is my everyday face, and occasionally I reaplce it with other ones.
Ok, not really, but yeah for sure, war face was in full effect that day, and uber-war face came on when that fucken women didn't scoop my olives right!!
Merry Christmas to you and your peeps...have a nice day! 😃
J will go get supplies at get stuffed o'clock in the morning at one of the smaller shopping centres around us at this time of year as going to any of the big ones is stupid.
he usually goes at get stuffed o'clock anyway as it's quieter then
Glad you survived the ordeal.
Avoiding them is preferable, going when there's less wankers around is a good secondary protocol.
I survived...so many did not. 😊
Love the smell of old people in the morning... I mean napalm... I mean war! War, that's it! 😃😃
It makes one want to go to the supermarket and wage war right? 😁
It certainly does!!
LOL, that’s how I felt a few days ago 😅.
I’ve never liked it, but I had to go, and let’s just say my battle girl really enjoys the battlefield 😂😂. Still, the mission was accomplished.
There aren’t many supermarkets here, nor do they stock much, yet people wander those aisles like zombies in search of nothing 😶. I hope I don’t have to go back until New Year’s.
Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones, mate!
I like it when people say "mission accomplished" because I know that takes effort and when people apply effort it means they're taking responsibility. Well done.
I hope y'all had a nice day for Christmas spent with family. It was quiet for me here but that's ok, I don't mind peace and quiet. Now we push on to 2025 and I hope you've got some plans in place for a good one.
Whoa! This post did numbers!
As with all intense situations, war, shopping, travelling, situational-awareness is paramount. Head on a swivel to avert disaster, always.
This was a little tongue-in-cheek as you know, but you also know what Woolworths and Coles can be like in Christmas so probably understand turning up there like Rambo. Lol.
As for awareness...it's something I do by habit, it's part of me and there's been times it's worked out to my advantage; I think it's everyone's responsibility.
Damn my guy! We prepped up properly! But there is always something extra one needs! We ran into the shop for just three or four things and it was madness!
Pure madness! People bumping into one another! Chaos as you say and in the midst of all that people still let their kiddos pickle along in the shop! Why would you burden yourself like that! I'd rather let the wife stay at home and let myself run through the rummage than having to be slacked of by kiddos!
It was madness!!!!
What is it about holidays that sends people bonkers at the shops? It's not just Christmas, the day or so prior to any public holiday is mental at the supermarket. In the old days when the shops were not open 24 hours a day fair enough, but now we have 7-day supermarkets that don't even close for Christmas day...and yet people shop as if the apocalypse is nigh.
Might be they are way too keen on spending their Christmas bonuses!🫣
Yes, I had a war in the supermarket! We decided with someone from my family to go to a supermarket we didn't know and the war with the people standing around waiting for the aliens to take them away was impressive. They don't do anything, they just stand there and to top it all off they have a big trolley. People going in one direction and then surprisingly they change and hit another one and a big battle ensues. I try to go the other way and find myself surrounded. The supermarket is in a basement, so I get out of there pretty dizzy, but alive.
This is what weapons of mass destruction were created for. 😆
I must get me those weapons, not more people!😂
One can never have enough weapons.
If one fails I have to have another, it's true that you can never have enough...
Hi galen, I'm a boring being and I haven't had any fights in the supermarket: I avoid them. I buy Christmas presents in small stores, and Christmas food I bought a few weeks ago and froze it. If I'm short of something, I go to one of the small neighborhood stores.
As I say, I am a dull being. I guess apart from this battle you are enjoying the days off.
Regards.
I've never actually had a fight in the supermarket but thought it would be interesting and fun (for me) to write about my supermarket trip in this way; I write on here for me, meaning it's about having some fun, and I enjoyed visualising this post as i wrote it. The slow-walkers, abrupt-stoppers and bad olive-scoopers were real though; oh, also the cutie with the perky tits. As for the battle, I've been in worse.
Today has been a long day and, I left a terse comment. I enjoyed reading the text because of its irony. I didn't say it, but that's how it is. What is true is that I hate places with a lot of people together walking back and forth.
Sorry you've had a long day but I'm hopeful it was a good one.
I'm not doing much myself today, just watching the start and a few hours of the Sydney to Hobart yacht race that is always held on Boxing day. It's a little Boxing day tradition I have because there's usually not much going on.
https://rolexsydneyhobart.com/
The day went well, no yacht race, but very well. Yesterday I went to bed late and I notice when I sleep less than I need, nothing more. Now, I will go to bed and tomorrow is another day.
Glad you enjoyed the sea and the race.
See you tomorrow.
I went to shop a few days earlier this year so it was quite peaceful. But I did have to wait for a bit in meat shop.
Peaceful shopping at Christmas time? Wow, I didn't know it was possible.
Good friend Galenkp, first I come by to wish you a Merry Christmas, although in your area it must be the day after Christmas, but you are one of the people I admire the most here in Hive. Those little wars (or big ones) in supermarkets I know well, and in fact I prefer to wait outside and help in another way, since I have little patience 😅 but I had my own battles in the past, so I enjoyed and despaired a bit reading your story. Sending you a hug bro and hope you were able to spend this time as a family 🙏
It was all for a bit of fun and I enjoyed writing this post...gave me a laugh and I hope others felt the same way.
Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it and also hope you have an great festive season and end of 2024...not long to go before the new year starts and I hope you've got something in place to make it a good one.
Well....actually there is no supermarket left here with those conditions, the ones that are left have already been almost razed to the ground by an orestnik?
I usually don't get in those huge food queues, I tend to get squashed like an ant by the more experienced ones, and believe me you'd really have to arrive with a war tank here.
I was really just adding some poetic licence to my post with the intention of making a boring trip to the supermarket a little more interesting. It's not all as bad as I make out of course.
Okay, but this post on The War is a real literary gem, man : you write like the gods!!!!
You and your English friend have an incredible gift for humor.
No one would ever think of linking a supermarket shopping to a war, let alone taking out a cashier in a body bag!!!! ....😱....😆
Even Saddam Hussein had his...😂😂
Happy Wednesday, hope you had a lovely evening yesterday...Merry post Christmas!
You mean Boomy? He's a funny guy and one of the people here I most enjoy reading. He makes my writing look terrible, but has never failed to make me laugh and fun is what I'm here for. (He's Scottish)
My grocery shopping experience wasn't at all bad, I just made it seem that way...although I'm pretty sure that old couple were genuinely deploying weapons of mass destruction (of the chemical kind) as they went. Lol.
It was a nice day yesterday, very quite to be honest, but not bad at all. I hope you had a nice day also.
Boomy is an off the charts guy, and maybe he's good in a boxing ring too, as I understand that the Scots are very good at fighting...😄...but he doesn't seem like that type, but the kind that has tremendous panache to write in humorous keys, and that for me is super difficult.
I've always believed that people with a fine level of humor are above the line of normal.
oldies dealing napalm? Hummm...they must have had an amazing smell...🤢...😬😂
I had a busy day yesterday, but at this time I should tell you it was the day before yesterday, the time difference sometimes disturbs me a bit around here on Hive...🙃
I love Boomy and Galenkp's slang even though I often don't understand it all, I sense they are having a super good time.....
Keep enjoying your well deserved vacation galenkp, and give us more of that good humor that your lyrics have, I enjoy them very much.
He's a good lad, someone I respect a lot; he's one of the few people on Hive who has my actual phone number. He's a great writer and I think would be a funny fucker in real life for sure.
@meesterboom and I chat off the blockchain so some of the things we say are references to that and so no one would probably get the connections but that's ok...feel free to join in any time...apologies for any bad language you may read from time to time...we swear...can't help it. Lol.
I've been relaxing mostly, although for the next few days have some stuff going on in my house, some renovations to kitchen, the two bathrooms and the laundry...it's fucken chaos here! Lol.
For now I feel a bit shy to join the hieroglyphic of your chats...😂...I'm going to be watching you guys for a while longer to understand you better...lest I make a fool of myself talking about what I'm not....😅
But don't worry, the truth is that just reading your profanity-adorned conversation threads I laugh a lot, and you guys can't see the tide of colors running through my face.... they are pure bad boy conversations!
As for chaos, it is necessary and wonderful for to transform ours worlds.Long live chaos.
Over and out my general, have an excellent Thursday...😅
I generally try to stock up on major holidays that last longer than two days, Christmas and New Year, Easter, Labor Day... In the markets a few days earlier, in order to avoid this madness.
Like there's no tomorrow...
But it almost always happens that something goes wrong, something is forgotten and missing.. And then I go to smaller markets, I avoid kilometer-long lines in supermarkets.
And what did you think, that as a hardened fighter in face-to-face combat, you could tackle an opponent who carries a stick, one who wears a skirt, or another fighter who has a three-year-old in his stroller?
Oh, no, no. Those battles are already lost.
It's better if you stayed outside for a one more coffee with your partner and went shopping in the middle of the night, when above mentioned categories are sleeping.
Thanks for the complete description.
I virtualized and laughed as I read.
I was laughing at your trouble. Sorry 🙂
Smart. Avoiding the chaos is preferable.
Unfortunately I was not able to do that this year so found myself on the battlefield trying to buy my stuff without killing too many people in the process. Contrary to this post, no one actually died...not that I know of anyway.
I wouldn't have minded tackling that cute girl with nice tits who bumped into my trolley...and when I say tackle I mean...well, you know what I mean. Lol.
I'm glad you got a laugh at this post, that was the plan.
Things are pretty tight this year. First time ever no surprise gifts were wrapped and sneakily put under the tree.
Bonus being...
I did not have to fight that same war you two did. 👍😉👍
Things are tightening up for everyone I think, the difference is that some are doing something about it and others are not. Things will get much worse.
This is exactly why we stay away from the store this time of year. I'm a lover not a fighter! We used to go out the day after Christmas, but that just got too hectic and pointless.
Yeah, I can imagine wandering about the supermarket issuing kisses and love wouldn't be well received. Although, it is the season of giving.
😀
😉
I am definitely an abrupt stopper, Especially when I feel a fellow customer breathing down my neck, who can't wait to mow me down with his or her shopping cart. 😃
Merry Christmas.
I've run into a few abrupt stoppers with my trolley, mostly on purpose. No damage was done (to me) and they'll recover in time. 😬
Merry Christmas.
😁 The war continues when Christmas is over. I'm watching my back ^^.
Indeed it does, it'll likely never stop and so vigilance is the way forward.
With this I come and help her with her groceries.
Oh yeah, a super cute girl with great tits must be helped for sure. 😬
In my city, carparks could be a reason for people to argue, fight, even kill each other.
Well, this whole post was a bit tongue-in-cheek and thankfully in Australia people don't resort to killing over car parks...not yet anyway.
!PIZZA
$PIZZA slices delivered:
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