As part of an initiative I’m involved with, I regularly spend time with people who are struggling with mental health issues for one reason or another. Some are military veterans and first responders, which was the main focus initially, and some are not; the latter group is a spin-off from word-of-mouth chatter that spread and slowly pulled people in from almost all walks of life, ages and experiences. We’re not consultants, just a group of people who use our own experiences (and what we’ve learned) to assist others to deal with their own, and much of the time it’s simply sitting and listening, providing companionship and a willing and impartial ear for people who have struggled to open up in the past. We only work with those who want to be there and there’s no cost involved to the participants. Oh, and we only work with men.
Speaking from personal experience, (because I am one), men can be reluctant to open up about their problems, thoughts and feelings – something women are so much better at, and better because of it – and the whole premise of the initiative is to get people talking and help them understand that they can do so without judgement or feeling less manly and that there’s benefit in it. We also do a pretty cool event each year which I wrote about it in a post and you can see the post here if you want to read it - I'm pretty proud of what we do but there's no obligation to read the post.
A few days ago I caught up with one of these fellows who is in the middle of a pretty messy divorce, was made redundant from his job and has most recently discovered he has prostate cancer requiring surgery; all that occurred within a six month period and is ongoing; as you can imagine, the pressure has increased exponentially. He was pretty wretched when I first met him a few months ago and still is if I’m truthful, but he enjoys the hour or so we spend chatting, the companionship, and ability to unburden his mind and lighten the load somewhat. He’s very draining on me, I’ll be honest, but as time passes he’s starting to improve which is great to see; it’s amazing what seeing some light at the end of a dark tunnel can do for one’s mindset.
We spoke about happiness, not moments of it scattered here and there but lasting happiness, and the concept of creating that in life on a day to day basis and being able to look back on life generally with the thought of having had a happy life. There’s more to life such as leading a meaningful one but that’s linked to happiness as well. I asked him, ”what makes you happy, give me a list”. And then, ”what would make you happy right now, give me a list.”
I expected him to struggle with it considering his current state of mind, and he did, but he eventually listed a few things and I was really pleased to hear that they were quite simple and easily achievable things. I won’t share them, it’s private to him, but I could see little-to-no impediment to him actually making most of them happen on a daily or weekly basis and that was great. I suggested doing a few of those things regularly would give him a sense of happiness, but also of achievement, and if done regularly enough those things will start to touch at the edges and begin to encompass more of his life, then enrich it; certainly something to work towards. It was a small step but when watching him walk away after our coffee meeting I thought he seemed to be stepping a little lighter, walking a little taller. Job done.
Men, myself included, tend to feel reluctant to show weakness but that's some kind of crazy because bottling things up like that is rarely going to end well and isn't much of a way forward. That's what this initiative I'm part of is all about (read the other post which explains it) - It's a simple concept that started from my role as a paid mentor into a separate voluntary thing and beyond...it was about helping people, the desire to, and has been rewarding on many levels and, I know for a fact, helped many men find happiness and a better way forward...some of whom are now part of the leadership team along with me and the others who started it.
Anyway, I figured I’d ask you folks a question about happiness and see if any are willing to share their thoughts.
Do you fill your life with many easily-created small things that make you happy or leap from big thing to big thing with huge gaps in the middle? What even makes you happy and why? Do you struggle to create happy moments in your busy or complicated life or find it easy to do and do you honestly expect to be able to look back on your life and confidently say you had a happy one? If you’d like to respond about this or other things then go ahead.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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You and your group are performing a vital function that most of society glosses over. While men as a whole are supposed to be the strong ones, to be competent and protective, and to be supportive problem solvers, they seldom receive the same consideration in return.
I guess it's like you say, the guys are stoic and feel unable to let down, or let go. Everybody needs an ear once in awhile, just to listen and be nonjudgmental. To some extent, you do the same thing here, at Hive, no? You get folks to open up a bit and engage, not with pressure but only if they feel like it. It seems like the same thing but on a smaller scale than your group activities. That makes you good people in my book.
All of the leadership group have had issues at one point or another and for various reasons which is what led us down this path initially. There were struggles and we each learned from them even though the paths were sometimes rocky; we wanted to make things a little smoother for others hence this program.
Men, as you say, can be overly stoic, (me for sure), but that's not always the best way forward. I get a lot of reward from what we do, and know that we help a lot of people.
I think it's very great to see people who care about these problems and especially seeing where the real problems are at. It's nice that you cater to men only, as already saying that will probably make it easier for some to show up for help.
Talking to the right people is important, professionals, but having an ear to listen, someone who has been through the same or similar, and someone just to hang out with for a bit can do wonders also. We connect people together as well, get people out there interacting with others who feel the same or similar and that has been a really good way of demonstrating to the chaps that they are not alone. It's rewarding and has, in fact, helped me and the rest of those who kicked this off as well.
Thanks for your nice words, we do what we can (not sure if you read the other post) and get some really great feedback and that's rewarding as well.
I think it's incredible how your initiative provides a safe space for men to open up and find support. It's true that small, simple things can often bring the most happiness, and it's inspiring to see how your conversations help lighten the load for those going through tough times.
Yep, they seem to appreciate it and it's personally rewarding also; I've met some great people and deepens relationships with some I knew already. It's an area of mental health that often gets forgotten about so every chap we help is a bonus and helps spread the word about men's mental health.
It's great that you're making such a positive impact and helping to break the stigma around men's mental health
It's good to know that these types of activities exist, there are people who truly need attention, veterans are left dealing with mental trauma, a lot of pressure, it is advisable to seek help in time, especially because mental health is a priority and carelessness can cause irreversible consequences
Yes, veterans are generally left to their own devices with only a cursory attempt made by the government to deal with the issues that scar them deeply.
I tend to think that I have a pretty good mix of big and small happy moments in my life. Sometimes I am happy just laying on my couch during the weekend and watching tv or taking a nap. There is a certain contentment that just kind of gives me some bliss.
It's often the the small things that can bring happiness more often that add the most value.
I don't complain about life. That is related to the happiness of having lived it, fulfilling the goals set and receiving what I expected, without great ambitions.
That is the part of happiness that depends on me, but the feeling of happiness does not depend only on ourselves. The life and actions of other people (very close to us) can modify our own feeling of happiness.
I believe that full happiness does not exist for anyone. Some manage to build a life with more happiness than others. Living unhappy moments allows us to better value those in which happiness triumphs.
I feel happy when I can dedicate time to spiritual growth. It is not difficult to achieve. A book, a movie, a chat with someone interesting, a meeting with friends and family are enough.
Happiness is different for each person but what is common to all is that happiness is better than sadness.
It's a tricky question. I would say generally I am quite happy with my life, and it comes from mainly contentment, being contented with what I have, finding joy in hobbies that I do outside of working hours, and having stable relationships with people around me. That said, there are still personal goals that I am working on, and it will give me greater joy if I managed to achieve them.
Well said, including the fact you're still working on goals. The only time a person should stop working on their goals is when they are dead.
Since I became a mom my life has changed drastically, the level of tiredness is great, but seeing my daughter grow up healthy makes me happy. I also focus on the small details, admiring nature is something I enjoy. The sea is my place of well-being. I try to share with my family and create pleasant memories, always accompanied by delicious food and good music, the combination of these are an elixir for me.
Smiles are free, so we should smile more often.
It's nice to see you can list a few things that make you happy and it seems to me that most of them could be quite easily attained meaning you have the chance to do them often which is a good thing. Well done.
I try to enjoy what I do, even creating content gives me great satisfaction. Transform, grow and evolve, that's where I will focus.
It was nice reading you, I will have to do it more often 😊🙏.
As long as the enjoyment we find doesn't come at someone else's expense there's no problems, it's when people take advantage of others for their own gain where things go wrong.
I have always felt that we can all “shine” without harming others. The important thing is to focus on one's goals and achieve them with effort.
Well said.
Nowadays, I don't actually let anything deprive me of my happiness but then there are just some thoughts that comes over my head and they put me in that sad space. My major source of happiness is just my friends and music which is what I use to console myself and it just makes me feel better.
Happiness isn't a constant state, no one is ever always happy, but if we actively seek it more if the time, do the things we enjoy, we all have a better chance of finding it more often.
I have met few men in my life who talk openly about things and express themselves, but I have met some and when I have listened to them they feel better, they have even asked for my opinion. I am glad to have helped them.
I prefer happiness in simple things, like a delicious mate shared with my family, nice music, playing with my cats, a short walk, reading a book, painting, designing or chatting with people I love, that makes me very happy. These are simple things that I can do at any time and they fill my life with happiness. I love that.
For example, yesterday I went hiking for three hours and I came back a bit tired physically because it was uphill, but renewed and super happy!
You seem like a happy person based on what you write in your posts so I'd say you're doing ok. Well done.
It was hard work... today I am the person I want to be... I used to be someone else.
Beautiful playful activity that you do for helping so many people Galen, really every fall is an opportunity to get up stronger, and although the wounds leave scars on us, they also leave us wisdom and resistance.🌹
It seems to be beneficial to those who are involved.
At times I tell myself that if I will eat pizza my favorite basketball team will win a game in Euroleague. Of course this not always works. But at worst case I still get to enjoy some pizza. So that is still a nice moment.
They were playing last Friday weren't they? Did they win?
friday they lost but yesterday they won. This week is a double week so they will play again tomorrow.
OK, well that's not too bad...one loss and one win in a week and they get a chance to go again. Maybe if they have a Red Bull they might jump higher?
Yes we really needed that win yesterday because before that we lost 4 games in a row. Even after this win we are only in 11 spot( to be at least in playin we have to be at least top 10). We still need many more wins but at least our situation improved a bit.
Wow at the first you meet and sit with the people was good enough other then that, mens cannot never express there feelings and thoughts openly even to their close one while on the other side women can express anything to their close one. There is nothing wrong with men but just thinking of all the mens in world.
You've paraphrased my post.
Umm yeah I just said what I Feel in deep it was quite good.
Que gran gesto poder ayudarle a estás personas, el solo hecho de escucharlos y que se desahoguen, inclusive mientras cuentan sus historias el tiempo de correr mucho. Me alegra que puedes hacer está actividad beneficiosa para tantos hombres. Saludos desde Colombia
If I spoke and read Spanish I'd know what your comment says, but I do not.
!PIZZA
I find it easy to find small moments of hapiness throughout the day. Just walking to work in the morning can be a huge source of joy and gratitude. I also have the business I always dreamed of with my significant other, which is a big thing to be happy about, so if tomorrow were my last day on planet Earth, I would confidently say I lived an overall happy life. I do struggle with letting my thoughts of the future I should have take over though. I sometimes let them get the best of me and it gives me anxiety and even sadness sometimes. I love listening to the likes of Tony Robbins, Ryan Holiday to get me back on track, but I do have to work at it constantly.
The initiative sounds incredibly inspiring. For me, it's the little daily joys - watching movies or playing video games, a good cup of coffee, or spending time with my wife, that build a happy life for me. It's great how you're creating space for men to share and grow. Keep doing the amazing work(s) you're doing.
Life is short. So I think I need to be happy every moment and even on every second. That’s why little by little dream is better than deep dream. Whatever the wants if it fills up then I feel happy. These are the source of my happiness. Like as a cup of coffee in the morning and stressed period, spending leisure under a tree or lake side, gossiping with the lovely one and success of children. Like as everyman I have some big dreams too. But while I think about those dreams it makes me excited. Most of them are dissatisfied me after reaching goal or even when I am close to the goal.