When Christmas Arrives a Month Late with an Adjustment for Your Attitude...

A pure fractal made in Apophysis 2.09, overlaid upon itself

“I know we have been working together with the crew of the Farragut to solve some of the biggest scientific questions in the galaxy,” Amanirenas chief engineer Lieutenant Commander James Doohan said to me after hours on a particular day, “but we really need to start working on the real question, which is what happens when Captain Almira 'Action Jackson' meets Commodore Wilhelm Allemande. Is the galaxy even ready for that much 'mess around and find out' energy to come together?”

“Oh, the Milky Way galaxy is going to be fine,” I said, “but humans and humanoids on the foolishness had better find a ship going Warp 99 to the Andromeda Galaxy, because they are not going to be fine.”

Admiral Benjamin Banneker-Jackson, uncle to me, practical uncle to Lt. Cmdr. Doohan, husband to Capt. Almira (now) Banneker-Jackson, colleague and new but instantly beloved friend to Cdre. Allemande, smiled.

“Oh, what could possibly go wrong?” he purred, and Lt. Cmdr. Doohan and I laughed. “But in all seriousness, I am praying for everyone in Near-Earth in and around the fleet that is running game because this is not going to be a good season by the time my wife and the commodore start comparing notes. I pray they just go on and repent now.”

“Now that triggers a memory, sir,” Lt. Cmdr. Doohan said. “Remember when Capt. Biles-Dixon and I were cadets in our third year and a bunch of seniors did some really dumb things on Krampuus 2?”

“Oh,” I said as the memory came back. “When Christmas shows up a month late and with an attitude adjustment for those naughty, not nice!”

The Christmas Whips of Krampuus 2 gave the planet its name – for Krampus, Europe's rough Christmas character who will come into your home and beat you up and even eat you up if you don't repent! By contrast to said character, who resembles European depictions of the devil himself, Christmas Whips are utterly beautiful creatures in their natural environment, and get their name for their cheery colors.

However, they are highly protective of their fellow creatures, including the native humanoids, and have no toleration for rude, entitled guests who do not treat the natives and the planet well. They will tie you up and fry you up with their poison-barbed braids when they decide you have gone too far. This is what had happened to 27 seniors in our Academy cadet group.

“And then, after all that, after they were scarred mentally and physically for life, we also had to throw them out of the Academy,” Adm. Banneker-Jackson said.

“But that goes to something you always taught me, and that I live by – it is a quote,” I said. “'He who knows his master's will and does not do it shall be beaten with many stripes.' All Academy cadets in their first year learn how to comport themselves before the sentient beings of the galaxy, so there was no excuse.”

“None,” Adm. Banneker-Jackson said. “And that is why my wife and Cdre. Allemande come down so hard on those without excuse. There is an end to all things, and in this galaxy if you are boldly going as a fool, that end more likely than not will meet you roughly.”