I Had To Let Go So I Can Have My Life Back

Honestly, letting go isn't easy at all.

Over a long period of time, we accumulate things, habits, and even friends– sometimes, unintentionally –only to realize that some of them have to go in the long run. Not because we want to let them go, but for the sake of our peace and space.

When I was a little boy, I was obsessed with toy guns. All kinds. My father made sure I had them, until one day when I injured a child with one of them – one that shot firecrackers – all my toy guns had to be taken away. I cried my chest out, but no one sympathized with me, only my sister who comforted me. That was my first lesson on letting go.

After that incident, my brain adjusted to the loss. I was kinda set free from my obsession. When I saw other children playing with their toys, I just told myself “you cannot have that”. As time passed, I lost the craving for toys — and almost every other “desirable” things.

Well, though I was no longer a toy person, I became a people person. I had a lot of friends as a boy up into my young adult days. Thanks to my care-free parental upbringing.

But that care-free life came with baggage I didn't have the discipline to sort. With some of those friends came bad habits, and negative influences that turned me into a corrugated personality.

Inem was my closest friend, and the strongest influence on my life throughout my teenage years. I don't know how to describe him exactly. He was an angel and a demon conjoined. Most of the bad habits that almost ruined my life I picked from Inem. Still, he was my greatest confidant. He got my back anytime, anyday, and anywhere.

Surprisingly, Inem was not my best friend. But he had the greatest influence on my life.

I was living with my uncle in Calabar at the time I met Inem. He was notorious for many things but that didn't concern me. My Uncle didn't let me socialize much. I was always indoors, so Inem took that advantage. He himself was also looking for a friend, because every adult saw him as a bad influence on other kids.

Inem wasn't a bad boy per se. He just had a terrible upbringing. He had certain admirable values but people just didn't want to see that.

Unfortunately, his admirable values didn't rub off on me, only the negative ones. But we got each other's back for it. My Uncle tried to speak me out of that friendship but he didn't succeed. After all, there was no other alternative apart from the boring “stay indoors”. His children weren't great companies, either.

Though I valued that friendship, it was going to ruin my future and I knew that. But what could a poor boy do?

However, God was planning a way out for me, and it came with a hard choice I was going to make — let go.

Inem was like an addition. But I had to let him go. When I started University, I realized that in order for me to concentrate on my studies and do well in school I had to cut ties with him. I barely came out with flying colours in my WAEC, nothing was to affect my studies in the university.

But how do I tell my closest buddy that I want out? It was a very difficult decision but an urgent one at the same time. At this point I had left my Uncle's to stay where I would be closer to school. But Inem came with me.

After some weeks, seeing what distraction he was going to become, I had to spill the beans.

“Bro, we need to talk”, I told him, one evening. My voice was a bit shaky but I held it firmly.

“Guy, why you dey sound like that?” Inem retorted. He was two years older than me.

“Wetin dey sup?”

“Guy, you need to go back home.” At this point I was really terrified. “I don start school, I go need concentrate.”

“Haha, na since when you don become lecturer?” Inem said, almost dismissively.

“I'm not joking, guy. You seriously need to go…”

“You dey pursue me?”

“Not that I'm sending you out but yes, I would really need you to go home. Your mom doesn't even know your whereabouts. So yes, you should go home.”

“Guy, I no understand you again o. I dey complain? If na food I no dey beg you na.” Inem answered, angrily.

“It's not about food or anything else. It's about your life, bro. How long do you want to keep living like this, with no plans for your life? I am now in university, you should be thinking about going to school too.”

“Guy, abeg no preach for me again. I no be your mate. Because I came here to stay with you, you want to insult me. You forget so quickly that I have been there for you all these while. Now you want to send me out of your house. It's ok. I will go. But you don't ever look for me.” He said, and lay on the bed to sleep.

“Please, don't just go. Go home.” I mumbled under my voice.

That evening, the house was as silent as a graveyard. We didn't speak to each other till morning. Inem rose early, and left with his bag without even taking a bath.

For days, I missed him but I had peace and most of all I had my space.

This is my entry for the #realtalk weekly prompt#22

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