I also have so many what if's in life and thinks of negative but by praying to God negative things are not affecting me anymore instead I think positive that help me to overcome circumstances.

We face circumstances but it is on us on how we deal with it.I also learned that the more you think of your problem the more you will be stress instead make an action to solve of that problem.

To answer your question "how long do I have to wonder along the grass of suffering and sadness?"

Just trust our almighty God 🙏.God has a great plan for you.

If there's a sadness there's always happiness after.See the brighter side of your life.

I hope you will find happiness and joy my friend,keep fighting🥰