Love is a beautiful thing, and it's hard to leave a relationship when one of the partners has fallen deep into love with the other, disallowing them to see the good sides of life when things are not going smoothly with them. They feel they can change the other person whose behaviour is likened to a monster or beast, and amidst that, they prefer to stay while enduring the sufferings. While it favours some of them using the lesson that patience is the key, it doesn't work for others.
There is a difference between when you are in the right relationship where you understand that it is normal to go through ups and downs while enduring and allowing the behaviour of your partner knowing someday if both of them could go through it together, they will find victory, and on the other hand, the difference is obvious with someone into a relationship for the wrong reason, enduring the toxicity of the other person and using love as an excuse to stay even when they are being affected emotionally and psychologically.
I have seen lots of relationships like that and it makes me feel bad for the victims and most times, I just don't look at their sides anymore and would say, "I can't pity this person" because they have seen more than 1000 reasons to leave but refused thinking their partner would change. It is in this process of assuming change for them that they lost their lives, and then they are at fault for not leaving when they should.
Victims like this often tend to bend to what society will say rather than their value or worth. They listen to the public more than their instincts or minds even when they know they ought to not stay for their well-being, but it doesn't happen.
I used to say it is better to see the signs of toxicity and also have a little taste of it when you are still dating or courting than to get into marriage because it would be easier to leave then, but most people prefer to stay thinking they'd keep fighting to the end which later ends up in a bad state for them as it mostly too late to make a u-turn especially when it leads to death.
I don't see any reason for someone to still stay when they are experiencing toxicity which affects them with excuses like, "he/she will change," "I love him/her and it's hard to leave," "He/she is supporting me in this aspect," and the top of it all is one in which the lady would say, "My children would suffer if I leave him," and so on like that. It is worthy to know that life is important when in toxicity and it doesn't mean one wouldn't find someone better or life will not continue for them.
It is more important to make a decision that will keep you safe than listening to whoever would say you should stay and endure because they aren't you. They don't know what you are facing, and funny enough, they are the ones who will blame you if it eventually leads to death, and by then, the one who has been inflicting pain on you would live on with their lives, possibly making a change with someone else while you are gone. Who is now at a loss?
When in a toxic relationship and knowing it wouldn't lead to any good in the end, just leave. In fact, when it's leading to the level where a partner is raising their hands on the other or that their peace of mind is affected gradually, then it calls for a rethink to leave such a relationship so it doesn't keep expanding to the extent it will be difficult to leave when tied down with different excuses in the name of love.
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How many times have messages like this been disbursed through various social media channels. Let's take the case of Music Minister Osinachi, who' died after suffering broken ribs and a collapsed lung, all gotten from her abusive jerk of a husband. Till date whenever I hear her voice in that ekwu eme collaboration, I still hurt for her.
She would have lived as a shining light now and even lead many to God but her toxic marriage sent her to the grave.
I don't care whether the toxicity was noticed during relationship or in marriage. The ideal advice is to leave.
For married couples, separating for a while can help in most cases when the partner is ready to work on him or herself.
If as a partner in a relationship, the excuse is what will people say, then they don't understand life because in life people will always talk . You do right...talk, you do wrong ....more talk.
Human wants is insatiable. So also is human tendency to talk.
Let's all be wise. No one has ever died because they were not in a relationship and like I usually tell my church memebers, being on a romantic relationship is not a criterion to making heaven. Marriage will end here on Earth
Be wise, be smart. Choose to live first
My sister, I appreciate your amazing comment and that's the truth. I feel for that woman too and I also remember her whenever that song comes into play. Many of them who had died might have longer years but due to such toxicity and unwilling to leave when they should, they are cut short.
This life ehn, people will always talk and the best is to do you..do what your heart says and never listen to anyone because in the end, you are left alone with your head.
Gbam! That's the herd truth and it's high time many out there begin to accept it.
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It's usually very easy to step out when it's still in the relationship stage than when it's marriage. It's very foolish for anyone to remain in a relationship that is killing them. I don't care what their definition of love is but I know that love doesn't seem to offend or harm.
I have a neighbor who was experiencing hell in her marriage, she kept enduring and when she couldn't any more, she reported to her pastor. When he heard the whole thing and verified for himself he told the woman that if she doesn't want to die and leave her kids to suffer, she should leave that marriage. Don't stay in something that will kill because you think the man or woman will change and that you have kids, no! Walk away and take your kids with you if possible. Hope is only for the living and not the dead
You see, love doesn't harm and when it is getting to that level of causing harm, then it's no longer love but hatred. Exactly, it is a good person that will suggest that advice while some would say you should stay and endure...endure what exactly? Something that will kill? Haa..no...
The "he/she will change" excuse is a never ending illusion. Time is going, no change is coming, life is going to and wasting.
It's important to leave and to leave as soon as possible.
It keeps occurring and that's life for you. No one can change anyone but this is something people feel they can. You can only do your best.
Ah! There's nothing awful than living ina toxic relationship or a situationship where you can't grow but lose every day. I hope people will be more aware from your writing. Thanks for sharing.
A toxic relationship is the worst that can happen to anyone and it's right to leave when been in such.
The emotional attachment thar develops over a period of time is hard to let us go out of any relation
You are right.
I also agree with you. If we can't see a good future of a relationship,we should leave it because it will make the situation more toxic and painful for us.
Exactly. Enduring suffering isn't something palatable at all.
Exactly, if they're still in relationships they can break-up but instead they believe the person will change with time.
No one can change the other person, we are only deceiving ourselves.
If someone is in a relationship and their partner is toxic, it’s much easier to step away from such a relationship than it is to leave a marriage. However, it’s shocking how some people choose to stay and endure toxic relationships, all in the name of love or because the person has helped them in the past.
I would never advise a loved one to stay and endure a toxic relationship, as such situations have led many, especially young people, to their early graves. Toxic relationships are extremely dangerous and harmful and can cause lot of damage on people.