The Benefits of paying Attention

In the world we live in today, not a lot of people listen, most people only listen to respond but not to comprehend what you're saying and even try to see if maybe you're making sense or not. Unfortunately, I happen to be one of those people, I do not listen enough and most times I don't realize it until some time later when it's too late.

_{photo by Franco Antonio Giovanella}

You see, I've been in a situation in the past where I've had arguments with people solely just so that I can win. And in as much as there is nothing wrong in winning, one thing I've come to realize that sometimes, when you decide to listen to their own argument, they could make your job easier and help you win without knowing it.

There was a time I was having this personal argument with someone very close to me, and they had said something, something that at the time I didn't think much off because I was focus on making my point and wasn't paying attention to theirs.

But two days after that argument, I found myself replaying the entire argument in my head, and I realized that while they were trying to make their point, they had said something that contradicted their entire arguing points, something that if I had listened and heard it properly, would have proven that I was always right on that issue and that they were the ones who lied to me.

Unfortunately, this was two days after the argument and I could no longer bring it up because the previous argument had ended badly, and we had only just begun to speak to each other again, so bringing up the matter again would have been seen as me doing too much or beating a dead horse.

After that entire issue, I thought I had learnt from my mistake, but apparently not. I've spent the past few days having some friendly father and son arguments with my dad, and every time I find myself not listening, just interested in winning, and I never seem to realize it until after the argument is over.

I guess my problem with actually listening, is that I see an argument as a competition, one that requires quick and direct response because taking your time to listen, digest and see if the other person is making any sense might pass the wrong message to them, make them feel that you've succumbed to defeat and even make them more confident to keep on going.

So I try to fight and then later on, when it's just me, I replay the entire event and take the lessons for me. If that's a good strategy, I do not know.

But, I take comfort in knowing that I mostly only do this when arguing with people, anything other than that, I try to listen. I believe this is why most people are more comfortable telling things that they consider to be secrets.

So I do listen, just not in all scenarios.