He Could Have Said It Better

We have heard about white lies – or lies that are told just to be polite or to keep someone from being offended or upset by the truth.

Getting older, and learning more about life, I realized that lies have no color whatsoever. They are neither white nor black, neither little nor big. Lies are lies, no matter what.

*Or am I just being too idealistic? *

I remember when I was in high school, I borrowed a book from a classmate. Inaudibly, he muttered, ‘ang kapal mo naman’ (what a thick-faced you are). I pretended I did not hear what he whispered, but it shook me. I considered him a friend. We got along very well. Little did I know that my attempt to borrow his book offended him.

My attitude towards him turned sour later on.

Albeit indirectly, he could have told me he did not like me borrowing his stuff. I would understand that well. But he was neither direct nor polite. I found him mean.

I read from an article online that telling white lies protects people from being unnecessarily hurt. It is an act of empathy. We resort to these ‘little white lies’ in the spirit of politeness because sometimes telling the truth is harsh.

But this got me questioning: if I am on the receiving end, do I want to be cuddled with a white lie, or be smacked with the truth?

When there’s something wrong with my outfit.
When I have said something wrong.
When my manners are unbecoming.

To be honest, I want people to be polite to me, but I hate it when people are so blatant with their opinions and are like bulldozers with their thoughts. They blow me away. I do not always buy the idea that people are more loving when they are brutally frank. I say they are just rude. To be fair, the operative word is brutal. We can be truthful without being mean. We can always choose the words we say, or at least how we say them.

If we know our words can hurt, can we at least minimize the damage? The manner we express our thoughts has the same weight as the content of what we are going to say.

I’m not saying that I’d rather receive praise than criticism, to hear appreciation than correction. It’s far from that. Honesty is precious. We should not be wallowing in pretense and deception. However, I believe that honesty can always be coupled with love. They can always go together.

No, I am not suggesting that my classmate should have uttered a white lie just to make me feel good. Life does not revolve around me. He could have told me about his feelings with tact, that he does not want to lend me his stuff. A little kindness would have made a huge difference.

Am I a fan of white lies? Nope. But I am all for courteous, polite, and kind conversations. The world is teeming with harshness and rudeness. With our words, we can be different.