Listening can be one of the hardest things that a person can do. Most of the time, it requires us to actually step out of our shells or our shoes to immerse ourselves in the speaker. Being a good listener requires you to accept the fact that it’s not about you. It's never about you, but about the person you’re listening to.
Which is why the moment someone chooses to share a part of themselves with you, it is not a time to bring up your own case. It’s not a time to compete for whose predicament is better or worse. Because this is something that many of us see on a regular basis. You could be talking about your fears with someone, and then they’ll make the conversation all about them.
The truth is, sometimes, when a person needs a listener, you just have to know what exactly they need. Sometimes, they need advice from you. Sometimes, they simply need a sounding board. Many times, people already know what they want to do, they just need to run it by someone else. And even more often, they need to say it out loud. It’s been proven that when you talk about things out loud, it’s easier to get to the solutions. You either realize an idea is terrible or genius when you talk about it. This is a reason therapists will always make a boatload of money. In a way, the secret is just to be a good listener.
For me, I’ve always tried my best to be a good listener. I guess it comes with the territory of being a writer. Especially when I know that the speaker might need input from me, it causes me to pay more attention. The thing is, no one likes speaking into a vacuum or communicating with dead air. That’s why simply hearing what people say will never be enough. It could be like talking to a wall. Have you spoken for ten minutes and realized that your audience wasn’t even paying attention? That thing is annoying as hell!
So, listening involves actually following through during the conversation. I don’t think this is a skill that can be learned in a classroom setting or anything. Because I’m trying to put it into words, but I’m having trouble doing so. Being a good listener is something that only life can give you. Your experiences will shape you into a better listener.
When things happen, people always say, How come you didn’t know? The truth is, there are always signs, but people don’t see them or even take the time to listen. Because you lose so much vital information when you refuse to listen. It helps us to read between the lines, and it also gives you an objective view, so that you can hopefully make more unbiased decisions or suggestions.
So, when you need someone to listen to, try to make sure the person has no agenda, or if they’re the right person to talk to for that particular thing. You don’t want to tell someone your secret today and read it in a blog tomorrow, or it would be used as a tool to fight you later on. Life is hard, getting people to trust is harder, but it’s not impossible. So, let’s just be careful and hope that we’ll all find that person who is willing to listen to our ramblings, regardless of how crazy they are.
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Thank you for this.
This is really insightful.
Some points that caught me was that of not making it about yourself when someone decides to share an issue with you. It's very wrong, I reckon and many are victims of such, ignorantly. And then that of just giving a nod and resounding presence, not really saying words. It's very helpful.
Truly, listening isn't something to learn in a classroom or a jiffy. It's a lifelong learning skill everyone should have. There might be trust issues on who to share with, but like you said, there are still people we can share with.
yeah... being a good listener will always be helpful to the speaker.
I find it ridiculous when I see someone share their painful story, the other party start to share about the past painful story of his own and this is how they don't allow other to share what need to be shared. I think it's necessary to keep quiet in such a situation.
Some people are just careless and clueless. just painful.