Are we living consciously or following the tide?

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Do we manage to follow our dreams? Do we manage to stick to the path divine power has mapped out for us?

These are all questions that concern me. Having been very close to leaving this world I began to think more about the non-material things that exist. I think about the existence of divine power and its influence over me.

I managed to get over COVID, I survived. This is no small accomplishment because many people lost their lives. I am still recovering, but I believe everything will fall into place in my life.

I have many dreams, most of them unrealized. I want to travel. I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to find happiness with someone and not be another number somewhere on someone's conquest list.

In my 36 years, I've only managed to muster up heartache, and from mishaps at work (I managed to break my arm and dislocate my shoulder while at work), and on the love front, things are not good, meaning I'm not satisfied with being someone's mistress and still being alone at night. The more I think about some unattainable things, they become more and more a reality.

I gave so much to help my family that I forgot about myself. I forgot that I needed to be happy too. I forgot that I also wanted to have a family and enjoy the boundless love of a husband and children. I know I still have time to achieve that, I realize that.

I need to find my inner strength and get out of my comfort zone. I need to stop expecting things to happen to me and start achieving them myself.

Probably all of this is influenced by some inner fear that I have inside me, that doesn't allow me to be happy. I need to stop letting this fear of failure stop me from moving forward, whether it's fear of an employer or a partner.

I need time to feel safe and take some steps so I can achieve my goals and desires! It's not going to be easy, I can feel it right now, but I believe I can do it...