Have you ever wondered why the people we love the most are the ones we hurt the most or the ones who hurt us the most?
I have thought on these lines so often. I am amazed when people say love hurts, love is poison or whatever they display on walls and vehicles.
The simple and more practical answer to that question would be they are the ones around us most of the time. The constant physical presence or virtual closeness could one reason behind the friction and hurt. When you love someone so much you tend to seek their company more often letting friction have its way.
Friction is fine as long there is a good understanding between the two. I have a friend who is constantly bickering with her spouse, but at the end of the day they kiss and make up because their love is pretty strong.
Another reason could be that since we love the other person so much, we become oversensitive and our emotions get a rude shock when their words or deeds do not align with our expectations.
With our emotional investment being high we get deflated as soon as anything sharp or prickly touches us. Our expectations are high when we love someone so much and so are the hurts when their words or actions fall below the level of expectations.
Have you seen people who have been severely hurt? They tend to draw back into their shells so much to avoid being hurt again. Their fear of hurt reaches abnormal levels that they tend to avoid any kind of interaction with others. That is an extreme reaction that some people show when they are hurt emotionally.
We hurt those we love when we test boundaries and try to blend in together. Often the other person resents when their boundaries are disturbed. However, the boundaries lines in relationships never remain strong.
We could also be projecting our emotions from a past relationship into the current one. Let me explain this clearly. I found a new friend quite recently who was in many ways like another friend I had from the past and missed so much. The closer I got to this new person I tended to unconsciously bring in the same feelings I had in my other relationship, this just didn't work well at all. The truth is each relationship is different and unique in its own way. Trying to make one relationship seem like the other is futile, irrespective of how beautiful the previous relationship was. The sooner we recognize this the better.
The personal space between two individuals is a mystical boundary that exists and still doesn't. Being able to gauge this and adapt to it is one constant struggle for most people. This is an area where hurts and misunderstandings could surface.
These are some of the ways in which we could hurt those we love. Being in a relationship is like a tight rope walk. This almost always seems difficult, almost impossible to the outsider, but for the one who does it day in and day out it is just another day's walk.
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond
Nothing but absolute truth because I can relate to this big time. I and my boyfriend fight a lot; according to what you said up there about reaching ones expectations, that's one of the things that make us fight. When he says what's not appealing to me or the contrary we hurt each other but fix our indifferences in no time.
Good on you, expectations can be a major area for trouble in relationships. It's important to scale it down realistically.
Thanks for stopping by.
well said these are the basic reason why we get hurt by those that love us especially the issue of oversensitive to their action due to the emotion and love we have for them
Even though they seem basic anything involving emotions are complicated.
Thanks for stopping by. Much appreciated.
Best way not be hurt by our love one is that never compares new friends or love one with old one.
because this can cause a big problem.
And always forget the pass, focus on the present.
If you ur love one offend you or do something wrongly, correct with love.
And always have it at the back of your mind that no one is perfect.
Yeah that is right, those are some excellent ways you can handle the problem that could arise.
Thanks for stopping by.
U are welcome nice meeting you
Good knowing you as well 😁
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STOPVery hard but totaly true
Glad you think the same way too.
Is just the true very nice work🙏🙏
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond.
I have asked myself this question a few times and I've come to the conclusion that they can hurt us the most because they actually matter.
Truth is some random person may do something and we won't take it seriously because we don't care about them and they don't matter, but if our spouse were to do exact same thing, it can trigger us.
It is like you said our emotions get overly invested and that way it becomes easy for us to hurt them or vice versa.
Absolutely, we would over look the same thing one by a random person while it become an offense when someone we love does that. The emotional involvement there is 0 for one and close to 100 for the other on a scale of hundred.
Thanks for stopping by @blezyn
-Hi Ma'am..sometimes the fight is out of nowhere, misunderstandings maybe, or sometimes created by other people. Easy to get hurt compared to other people because of the especial emotion we have in them and vice versa to others if we hear not so good things sometimes we just laugh at it but when it comes from our loved ones or special people to us.. it's hurting, but on my side, just in case I will never compare because each person has it's own identity and character that we should accept and try to adjust. if you want to change them for the better then no need to fight for that but the most annoying thing sometimes is when the reason for the fight is unknown then when you ask about the problem, the answer is "nothing" hehe..but you know well there is something hehe! Some of my friends also experienced that, I always heard that when we having our break time at the office hehehe..nagging is also one reason for a fight with others and it's not a good thing in any kind of relationship..patience and understanding is always important
Have a blessed day!❤🌷
#dreemer
I have too much to say. I minimized and minimized and minimized it in my mind but it didn't matter. Each time I reworded it, I still said too much.
Hey go on I'd love to hear your point of view. I have friends who write posts for replies, so its ok.
BTW how do you do that cool stuff? minimizing like that? @dandays
It's your point of view actually. An entire paragraph you wrote spLeL'd m.e.
I just tried several times to draw it out but the thing kept coding rather than explain. Easier than typing it out and screen shotting, ima teach you the coolest trick for these tricks.
When you want to know how someone did something, go to their hive blocks page. Https://hiveblocks.com/@dandays and find my response to you. The easiest road map I can draw.
Hmm.. so I can spy your code there.. cool! Thank you.I'll check that out.
Please don't feel compelled to support me. I love reading your posts.
Would you tell me which paragraph though... its okay if you don't want to.
Remember to ask me again when this article is done generating. I have issues.
I will. :D
#7
I met my wife when we were in High School, so I was 16 and she 14. We did a LOT of growing and changing over the years but still remain together. Our bond has grown and become very strong. Years ago, I decided to approach my relationship in a different way.. I decided to try my hardest, when I disagree, to see it from her eyes and ask questions about how I could react differently. I also gave myself permission to let things go and allow myself not to be perfect or driven my perfectionism. Oh the book I could write on love, what I know and how it pales in comparison to what I do not know. We will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this August 18th and will be closing in on 30 years together as a couple. We have found our rhythm but also know that we will always have to work at it. Love is just that way.. it can not be ignored or taken for granted. 😊
Very nice post!
Oh wow 16 and 14! As I always say love like old wines ages beautifully. It is a lot of hard work but when we want to make it work we find ways of doing just that. The hubs and I celebrated our 30th anniversary in Feb this year and I know what you mean when you say
such is life and love we can take nothing for granted.
Hope I don't forget to wish you on your Anniversary, I am terrible with dates.
Lest I forget I wish you both many more years of togetherness and love in advance.
Thank you for your kind words.