In my comment to @vempromundo.pob #pobtalk post of yesterday, I mentioned I was a little sad and needed a way to cheer up a bit, i was shocked at the number of responses I got and suggestions I received. It really made me smile a bit, atleast there are really people that care. I guess that's why we have this community and I must say thank you.
I haven't written in a while, I've been really busy yes, especially with preparing for my I.T defense but I guess it isn't much of an excuse not to write. Truthfully, I guess I was in a desert dying of thirst and needing a way to get a route that'll lead me to a beautiful fountain flowing with water. I don't know if I've found it yet but whatever the case may be i'm still searching.
I've always related most of my posts to my experiences growing up because I feel real life stuffs are relatable and I feel it's high time I opened up a bit, I've been caged for too long.
Like I said, I was busy preparing for my Industrial Attachment defense and had successfully defended. Just so you know, I'm an urban and regional planning student and I'm currently in my year five which is the final year in my course of study.
I've been in on my head for close to six years now trying to get good grades and make my parents proud of me and certainly move them out of the state of financial stagnation. Years upon years of reading, going to classes, spending almost all of their money on books, reports, field trips and so on but it was just until recently that I discovered something.
I wasn't happy, no matter how I tried to put my head down and be passionate about achieving this dream I thought was mine, each time it kept dawning on me that I had followed the wrong path.
I'm not saying this path is a bad path, no of course not, it's actually a very good one, after all being educated is very necessary but truth be told, after I finish school, I'll probably look for a good paying job that'll earn me little money and then go on to get married and have kids that I'll start catering for. It was a well mapped out life but I guess that's not how I want my life to be.
Where's all the fun in that?, This life is only one and I'll love to spend the rest of my life doing what makes me happy. I've always had this dream that I'll be someone great, or at least someone that other people would look up to with so much joy in their eyes. I want to be me and me isn't the person I'm seeing myself becoming right now.
I know my parents wouldn't understand, and certainly most of society wouldn't understand, even you reading this might wonder "what is this guy saying self", but I don't know what way to express how I'm really feeling.
I want to live my life to the fullest, make amazing memories, memories that I'll look back at with smiles on my face, travel the world to get to meet new people and cultures, I want to be able to tell my kids about the adventures I've been through and see their faces light up, I don't want to be a grumpy dad that'll just impose things on his kids, no, I want them to feel loved and be free to be whatever they want to be.
I realized this a little late, because I had been caged, I had my tongue cut really early in life and my hands and feet tied towards laid down rules I needed to follow. Every time I went outside that path I was disciplined into place and my screws were fixed so I'll continue as the robot I was and I still am.
I don't blame my parents though, I barely have an idea of the hardship they had to face, the lives they lived they did for me to have a better one and I'm really thankful for that. But if I get the chance to make life better for my own children, I'll follow that path surely without hesitation.
Fountain flowing with water in the desert
I want to open my life, I want people to look at me and feel happy, I want to bring joy into other people's lives, I want to make a change, I want to inspire others, I want to hear my name in people's lips, no I'm not talking about having fame or being rich, I don't even know what I'm talking about but all I see is a fountain flowing with water in the desert and you must be seeing it too, isn't it beautiful?
No one will care about you when you die, surely I'll not even care about me if I died so why am I holding back?, I've got to be who I want to be, it's about that time! I can't hold back any more, I can't continue to hide the beauty of the creator.
I had always thought of myself as the odd one out, always asking questions i wasn't supposed to ask, wanting to know about things i didn't need to know, always caring when I didn't need to care, sometimes I've been manipulative too just to get what I wanted, I wish life was easy but it isn't, so there's no time for hesitating, I'll keep doing what I have to do.I remember @nonsowrites talk about not hesitating about telling the truths he always told in his post Link here
I'm taking a bold step, I don't know if it's the right step to take, I don't know if I'll die of thirst in this desert that I'm in, but there's no stopping me now, I'm finding that fountain one way or the other and I hope you find your foundation too.
I'll also want you to take time to listen to this song by AYRASTARR called "Cast (Gen-z-Anthem)", it brought my head down and inspired this post to a certain extent.
Thank you for taking time to read this post, God bless you ❤️❤️
Damn seriously. You did a great job to this post.
Actually yes many people here will not understand how you feel or understand what you post, but to be candid with you, thousands of people like you here passing or facing the same thing you faced or still facing here in this community understands this post very loud and clear which im one of the thousands. Seriously yes our parents has caged us since the tender time of our age, we were not allowed to be exposed, though it may be due to one reasons or the other. They wouldnt allow us to go out and if we do, we will be chastised, to the level in which friends can not follow me to the house or come to look for me in the house. That was how have been living my life. But as for me, all this life line usually makes me dull, you know the life itself is some kind of hard and not interesting. Have used to being alone in my life. When i was through with my secondary school, i did final exams which is waec(west african exam council) and neco, but at the end of it all i failed both. And at that particular time, if i was told by any teacher that I'm going to fail the exams as at that time, i will tell the teacher or the person to shot up, cos as at that time, i studied extremely extra ordinary, and every damn thing i wrote i understand and it goes along with questions we were given.
After that time, my dad went to enrol me in a private secondary school, i joined them from ss2 class, did i have option, when the time comes, i re do the exams again, and this time its worse in compared to the first results, both waec and neco exams. The following year again, my dad compulsory it for me to re write exam in that same private school again, but this time, i joined them from ss3 class. But i only register neco exam this time, I'm no more interested in waec exam as at that time. When i write exams again that year, all the results was cancelled and that was when i voiced out and tell my dad i cant do this no more. I told my mum to talk to my dad to allow me to travel to go and do this exam elsewhere. After long talk my dad allow me to trave to ibadan oyo state to go and write the exams there. Actually my own thought is like if have gotten to ibadan, im not coming back home. That means I'm finallt free in which i dont know I'm going from frying pan to fire. When i got to ibadan, the year i wrote the neco exams is the year i cleared everything. The result is one of the best that year. After the exams so i thought i will be resting at home and be having fun, but to my greatest surprise, my grandma and grandpa frustrates me until i ran back to my parents.
So as i am, i processed university school admission for over 9years, within this 9years, almost all the available school forms that comes out that i used to buy, and i will go to write there exams, but my greatest surprise is all the time, i used to score above the schools stipulated cut off marks to admit the students but never the less, i wont still be given admission. The 10th year i have to live home, i just left home cos i was tired of everything. Though within this period of 9years and 10years, i passed through a lot in which if i have to be typing it now, we wont end this dicussion today, i was vicrimized by friends, secondary school mates and people around saying we know, his not serious, his only doing big boy around and lots of talks. I was promised a gun by a friend during that time. She told me that time that if i did not gain admission into university that year that shes going to come home and shot m. So after i left home, i went for a six month programme in a university then. After that programs that was when i now gain admitted into the university.
When i get admitted into the university again, another war. People, friends and parents are expecting us to come out with a very good grades, yes thats how it supposed to be, but the school issue is not an easy thing to be very candid, you will deem it fit to study hard, to give it all it takes to pass a particular course but thats when you will be hearing a lecturer will be telling you, gradeA is for the lectures, gradeB is for the genius students, gradeC is for the average students, gradeD is for the regular students while gradeE is for the rest of the students. What pains me the most is a course i did after the resumption of covid19 break, we was taken by two lecturers for the course. Whe we did the exams, the lecturers set there questions separetely and we did it on that same day, to my greatest surprise, the exam i did night class, evening class and lots of tutorial because of it. The lecturers are now given me unreasonable grade. Like i vexed at them, i asked if the grade is meant for just one of the lecturers or for both the lecturers, that was when i was sent out of the lecturers office. So in this case, this are things we faced many atimes in the institution. So i dont expect anybody to blame me if i come out with any grade in the institution.
Yes actually i used to think alot of times that I'm i wasnt living the life im expecting to live by myself. But what i keep thinking is, let me take a step at a time, after I'm done satisfying my parents, im sure I'm gonna live my life to the fullest, seriously i want to have impact in life, i want to be someone that people will be looking up to as a mentor, not neccesarily a powerful person but i want to have positive impact in peoples life. I want to travel the world and i want to be know for my good characters and impact in life. Actually this is my final year in school, so after this year in school, we will know the next line of action and steps to take.
I want you to have it at the back of mind and be rest assured that you are not alone. We are in this together. If the kind of thinking can meet, i think we can make a difference in life. Best of luck in all your endeavors man. Never give up. We will surely get there. Our childrens and wife will surely be proud of us by Gids grace.
Peace out man✌
One love ❤️
Ómo you understand this whole thing welll. After all the stress you went through to finally secure the admission, one lecturer will sit down somewhere and tell you that you'll fail. It really isn't easy and sometimes parents don't know what we go through and how it affects our psychology.
Exactly brother, you are thinking the way I'm thinking, let us just satisfy our parents and then like you said, a step at a time do the things that need doing.
Yes we surely can make a change. Good luck to you too my friend, I hope you achieve what you set out to achieve too..God bless you ❤️❤️
Actually im looking forward in meeting people of classes and caliber that we will change the world to be a better place.
Swers that's my dream..To meet people of great influence and to change the world together with them..By God's grace
When im looking at myself tomorrow and reminiscing on what have done so far. I want to be proud of myself, i want the world to be proud of me. I want to make my family proud.
You will make everyone proud of you bro. Don't you ever give up, that time will come soon, just keep believing and praying
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I hope you found your fountain pretty soon and real peace of mind.
The way our Africa parent cause damages to their children in the name of discipline is uncalled-for
I think i was very lucky in this regard i can't remember how my dad ever shouted at me talk more of beating and that dose not stop me from turning out great. They need to know is not only by spanking before a child can be discipline.
I hope so too my dear, I just have to keep believing and to never give up..it's going to be better soon.
I think you sure are and I guess your dad is very insightful. Exactly, it's not always hard hand that brings the desired results, children always grow in line with their Environment so if they see that things aren't really well put they tend to misbehave.
I hope you find your fountain too my dear. Thanks for leaving a comment
I really hope that you find what you want :) Have you thought about starting a business?
Yeah I have countless times, I just need the capital to start. That's what I'm working on.
Thank you