Another day, another gem. Thank you for this valuable piece of poetry. These news are as legit as those rhymes. I believe it was missing an interview though, by a certain gentleman called Finn. Germyass, I believe it's his last name.
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We here at Burning Coal and co. believe in creative freedoms for our reporters. Finn Germyass's contract was terminated due to him bringing in actual news. He was replaced by Mapee P Itch.