As a young, beautiful girl, I was always praised by people who came to the house or on my way to school or church. My dad always enjoyed taking us (my siblings and I) along with him whenever he had somewhere to visit. He was never worried if we would be a disturbance or distraction to him because somehow, we always managed to stay at our best behavior. I wasn’t just praised because I was beautiful—I was also smart, inquisitive, and more. I spoke with boldness when I needed to, and I also knew when to keep quiet.
Well, as time passed, I became more reserved and less outspoken. Yes, I can be very jovial, but there are times when I don’t normally keep quiet about something when it hurts me. But somehow, I lost the confidence to speak up when I’m hurt or not okay with the way I’m treated, especially when it comes to certain people. This has gone on for as long as I can remember, and at first, I thought I was being too lenient or foolish, but nah, that is far from it. I thought about it again, and now I remember it was a path I chose to follow because I wanted to learn how to improve myself rather than explaining myself to people.
There were times when I still ended up speaking up, and most of those times, I regretted it. But not anymore. Moving on, I don’t owe anyone an explanation about things that they don’t have the boldness to ask me. If they like assumptions so much, then that’s fine by me. I’m just going to keep quiet and learn to improve myself in areas I know I need improvement in.
And one more thing: I’m done begging people to stay in my life. I’m still a work in progress, and I can’t force anyone to love me for me. If they find me to be too much, then so be it. I’m not there yet, but it would be selfish of me to ask them to accept me when deep down they don’t want to. Luckily for me, I have so many people in my life who have come to accept me for me. But they didn’t just accept all my nonsense too; they are helping me learn to outgrow it. All they did was acknowledge the kind of person I am but encourage me daily to be better, and really, that’s all I need.
Someone once said that every person we meet is for a reason—either to learn something from them or to teach them something. It’s never a mistake, and I agree with that. I’m grateful to God for all the people He has brought my way. They all are part of why I’m where I am now, and though this place doesn’t seem like where I want to be, I’m just grateful because God is obviously still in this story.
I don’t blame anyone for leaving me or finding me to be too much. I’m just grateful to them for sticking around for the times they did. We all deserve the best, and if I’m not the best for you, please feel free to move on so you can find the best that you want. I admire you for it because you know what you want, and you are going for it. I’ll always keep the people I have met in my prayers because they are part of my story, and I know with God holding the pen, the story will be beautiful in the end.
Thank you for reading through. 💜