Regrets are like an infection really. They consume your energy. I was very good at shutting down my emotions. I can paint , write and work my emotions away. It can last for a long time until I snap.

People don't want to deal with trauma. Me included. But it is no other way around life and becoming better. I am still trying to find a way through this maze and hope for the exit. I know it is there and I am getting more clarity. Writing in a journal really helps, it is a way to release inner emotions faster without doing damage around. Emotions and coping with them has been a foreign language for me throughout my life. I have read all the books, watched all the videos, listened to all the podcasts...the putting into practice has been the hardest.

It is a work in progress and I realize that it will take me time. I don't want to hide from this by starting to spend hours working or sitting online or finding ways to bury the feelings again. Self denial doesn't work anymore although I am very good at reading for hours and pretending I am so so good, there is nothing wrong lol. The pain? Me? Oh no I am so good. Hmm right. Lol.

Self love is huge, I am learning this everyday. Baby steps. Understanding emotions the kindergarten phase:Mary.