Awww reading this was like having a hot soup when you have a cold. Thank you, I can feel that you wrote it from your heart. It sucks and it's not pretty. Real life versus theory or movies is a whole different ball game. I knew all the theory but practice....was the hardest. The rational mind knows one thing, the emotions dictate another outcome. The good that I can see from this is the fact that I managed to track down the causes of my trauma and see why I was drawn to a certain pattern when it came to relationships. I am aware that my healing process will continue for the rest of my life, even when I will have a partner. We carry a lot of baggage from our childhood and we can't just hit a refresh button and make those go away.
It's huge to have someone say they keep you in their prayers, I am deeply touched by this and I thank you. Tell Cupid that I have learned to love myself first so the first arrow he should stick would be straight into my little heart. I know that when I will have lots of love for myself at the highest level, only then I will accept nothing less than what I deserve. I wanted to be honest and authentic and show that even beautiful talented people can have a rough time when it comes to love. And just simply admitting the whole thing is a huge thing for me as a person. I can only be patient with myself and embrace the journey. I will heal