I stare at the calendar for days, in order not to miss it out...
But I did, fuckitdammit, yesterday was...
Bday...
Her call woke me up today, I was avoiding making it cause of the illness all these days, we spoke, she said - I turned 54 yesterday, I crashed.
Hang up, there was a message on the screen "are you angry at me?"
Damn limbo, how could I!?
Beating the shit out of myself the whole day, trying to digest it.
Ofc she didn't get mad, she was never angry about such things, as she isn't adjusted to celebrate, but I loved to make her cake, that was our tradition that doesn't exist anymore.
I spent two hours looking for how to deliver the flowers to her - failure.
Then I turned to look out for a cake - failed again.
I can't believe that there is no damn service, at least one that doesn't cost me a fortune, and it's not about the present, it's all about attention - and I couldn't even afford that to her.
I'm sorry...
You know that you are the one who taught me to fight for myself, for my own independence, yeah, we never had that mother-daughter happy shopping-to-go relationship, but you are precious to me.
And we couldn't choose each other, this is us as we are.
Thank you for those precious cheekbones which I inherited from you.
VT.
Thank you @monochromes, this is my entry for the #monomad challenge, and thank you all for your time and interest in what I do 🙌
Oh jeez fuckitdammit (this is gonna be my new fav word btw)... the guilt when you forget the birthday of someone you are not supposed to forget..
Yea... I know it.. you just wanna hide and hope they don't notice :p
edit: #fuckitgoddammit :D
I bet she would be proud of my ability to make up and spread the modern way of swearing on the www.
Girl, you are stealing my spotlight around here, you know :P
But thanks for participating, luv it :D
You know... your swearing and apologizing is gonna be saved in the blockchain forever! I dunno ho many moms can say that about their daughters ;)
Damn! (please notice the basic version I used here). Sometimes I type faster than I think 🙈
Looking forward to seeing how my well-raised awkward sophisticated swearing skills go down in history as a legacy to future generations (of whom I secretly fear)
We just made it up and you are already breaking the rules, that seriously ruins my reputation :P
Just show her this post and she will know just how much you mean to her...And wish her a HUGE happy birthday for me too!
I'll make her up, luckily we have 360 days in front of us.
Thank you very much for sharing and reading my rants. 🍀
Well make it up to her a little bit every day with a nice simple suprise, like a little note in her handbag telling her how much you love her.
That would be nice idea if we don't have some extra kilometers between us, thank you for putting some time of yours into all this. ❤️
Oh that's a shame but I'm sure you will think of other little things like that to do for her! (I lost my mum to bowel cancer a few years ago and miss her terribly and so wish I could've done more things like that for her...😭..) So that why I'm like Cherish her for every second of every minute of every day now while you still can...
Sorry for your loss...
I'm well aware that clock is ticking away, but sometimes you just have to follow your own path, and there will be always something we would like to change - it's a curse.
Show always must go on...
Yes, So very true....
Cause it doesn't matter how much you try and how much you do, there will always be more that you wanted to do...