Lately I've been referring to my father as 'ghost dad'. It's kinda fun I suppose, a counter to the sadness of his absence, but also in a way that makes him more present. If I can just have a brief conversation with my imaginary Dad, I can then move on to other things.
Yesterday (which is probably the day before Christmas Eve, when I'm writing this - wait - wibbly wobbly timey wimey - what time is it for *YOU?) the conversation started when I brought my new surfboard home, sat it on the floor, took a photo, and went to send it to Dad and give him a call. Fuck. How long will I do this for? Hopefully forever, because I love Ghost Dad. If I don't do it, I've forgotton him.
I got the board custom shaped by Babel Surfboards, a guy called Luca Rossi who's local to town (though originally Italian) and brings an intelligent, thoughtful approach to everything he does. He knew exactly what I wanted, and talked me through the whole process and came up with a design I was happy with. It's a 9.6, 23 1/4 - perfect for the conditions of a particular break I surf at all the time.
I was too busy to really make full on decisions about the board colour and I was going to get a whale illustration but in the end I couldn't decide and just sent him a few greens I liked. This is what he came up with and honestly I couldn't be happier!
Dad would have loved the whole process. Although I always worry about spending money, he would have told me not to be an idiot and you can't take it with you when you die. Ironic - he left me two boards. I sold one I didn't like much which went toward this. It feels like a Christmas present from Dad - what more can I ask for, this Christmas? IT's even a very Christmassy green! He had left me a small amount of money - not a lot, and it's almost all gone on bills - so I wanted to have something beautiful he would have loved too. He always loved surfing and I have a ton of photos of him with various boards over the years. I like to think he is looking down on me, though I know that's all bullshit.
Ghost Dad is a figment of my mind. I'm okay with that. It's me that keeps him alive, however I choose to do that. And if it's by buying a new surfboard I might not ever ride (fuck you, hips!) so be it.
I won't ride it til Feb when I get back from Tassie and the crowds are gone, but I'll be sure to tell you about it then.
Hope you have all had a beautiful Christmas, not got sucked into drama, and told the people you love that you love them. If you haven't, go do it now.
With Love,
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Dad was right, at times, you need to stop worrying. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Thankyou you lovely man. Xx
My husband was very much present here for a couple years. Even maybe physically, if the odd things that happened during that time were any indication. I did talk to him often during that time, not so often now, 4 years later.
My sister used to call my mom at 1PM every day and tell her the tidbits she'd saved up to tell her. Now she just stops and has the brief conversations as the tidbits occur and then moves on. It's helped her deal with the cessation of daily phone calls.
I think it's grand you got the new board, and I'm sure you will find a way to ride it one day.
Merry Christmas (It's 8:15AM Christmas morning here...)
Aw that's a good tactic from your sister. It's funny what we do to cope. That's it isn't it - getting used to their cessation in the world.
Merry Christmas to you and your family 😊 Have a wonderful celebration and happy holidays
And to you. Although I'm not sure if you mark Christmas?
I definitely mark Christmas, always has been 😊
I was amazed at how you value your dad's memory, @riverflows
The bond is amazing. It makes me cry because I remember my father. I don't have a memory of him because he passed away when I was 2 years old, but I think he is also amazing like your dad.
Oh, you know I think I'm ever so lucky for having him for 53 years. I know some people, like you, don't get that long or maybe don't know or remember their Dad. So that makes me both sad for you, and grateful I have these memories. Sometimes I think it's a bit harder as we WERE so close. It's making me cry thinking this.
That's a beautiful present and I am tempted to bet you can ride it one day. Ghost Dad must be smiling of what you have done.😊
Have a Merry Christmas💚
I love it!!!! Please bet... I'm determined!
That's the spirit! I look forward to reading about it😉 But take your time... no rush :)