Tangled Thoughts late at night

Hello Hivers! I hope you are well and happy! How's your Christmas went? Finally the season was over and now we are facing the new year. I hope this year brings joy and happiness to each of us all

I've drafted how my Christmas day went while at work earlier today but was never able to finish and publish it, and now I am starting another blog again.

Past 12 midnight, I was woken up by the cry of my son, we were sleeping sude by side and I was in a really deep sleep. It turned out he was feeling all too hot and sweaty and uncomfortable. So up I went half asleep, changed his clothes, calmed him down and made him go pee pee and let him drink water. Soon I put him back to bed and he fell asleep but then here I am, uncomfortable of my back and I had a bad pillow too that made the situation worse.

I really wanted to go back to sleep but the lots of thoughts has come and anxiety attacked, there are so much to think of and worry about and then lots of thoughts tangled.

One of the very things that made me anxious is that we will be having a meeting soon with my co workers about our savings because a new person will handle the money and I was traumatized by the one who used the money without our permission and did not pay until now. Ther are so much to say and I had been practicing how to say it so I would not sound rude and hurt her feeling

I mean, dili sa pag hinilas, I too have debts from people too but ther are times that I could not sleep thinking of how to pay it and I feel guilty eveytime I see the person I was in debt to. This person was different because after she admitted she used all the money from the savings, she had a new phone, I told her her phone is nice then she got defensive, she said someone just let her borrow it but she is still using the phone until now. I mean who would buy a phone and let someone else use it?

There are also times when both of our online purchases arrives and she would say to me that someone just asked her to buy it. I was just silent and I was telling myself to smile but perhaps my face just couldn't hide my true emotions that time

I don't knwo but I don't see her make an effort to pay her debt, I mean I don't know her finances and struggles but hey, she used the money which we worked very hard and we even sacrificed not to get the things we needed just to save money. What's hurting more is that I don't see her make an effort; I'm not really sure but that's how I see it.

I may sound rude but I'm just a human too, and I had been keeping my cool over the years and I just cannot deny that everytime we cross paths, some part of me wanted to ask her if did she forgot about it or should we call it quits because somehow I needed closure and I am sure other people who saved money at hat time wanted to ask the same things also but could not speak themselves.

I wanted to open this to the body soon, not to pressure her but to free myself, everytime i see her and think of what she did to us made me feel like I sin some more and I just can't help it, she lost my trust by doing it. I needed to express this also because keeping it in makes my heart heavy and I hope they will understand me.

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What she did served me a lesson not to use other people's money nor even hold it for them because it's very tempting, so easy to spend but very hard to earn especially when one already has debts.

There are so many thoughts that I just kept but some things really gets heavy and shall be let go. Honestly, I am not really after money, I became like this because i had enough, too many people has been borrowing and not paying. You see them having things and avoid you. Sigh, it's really hard shake it off my mind because it just won't go.

Are there people who owed you and act like nothing happened too?