She went to the Y when the lake was too cold. She was always the first one into the lake in the spring, and the last one out in the fall. Pretty amazing really.

Do I sound like I'm coming unhinged?

Goodness no! You sound like the healthiest among us, able to bring the "dead" (whatever that is) back to life (whatever that is).

Oh no! You do not need another loss so soon! But there will be relief. I hope you let yourself feel that. It really helped me to know that I would not have to be a part anymore of Niko's suffering, that his suffering had ended. Of course, I miss the happiness he had, and he might have had, had he regained his health. That is the toughest thing - missing stuff that never even happened.

Jane ran a stop sign at the corner of Dunning and Koon, an intersection she had driven through countless times before with a proper stop. During the ER visit they found pancreatic cancer. She didn't live long after that, a couple months. I often wonder how much the knowledge of the cancer hadn't really hastened her death. She took very few meds until that accident. The drugs are killing us, not the illnesses.