A few times Medical Gaslighting Almost Killed me

TW: I will be talking about medical gaslighting (obviously lol) trauma, and abuse in this post. if this is a triggering subject for you, you may not want to read.

Medical gaslighting is insidious and prevalent . It affects women more than men but it affects all genders. It also tends to affect non-whites at higher rates.

I do not know any woman who have not experienced medical gaslighting. For women with chronic illnesses this is the default/norm.

Medical gaslighting kills. It almost killed me several times. Here are a couple of examples.

1). A few years ago I needed dental surgery to remove a tooth that kept getting infected. This damn tooth had been an issue with me since childhood. Long story short I had to get a root canal on two molars in the 6th grade because the dentist fucked up and didn't scoop out all of the infection in my cavities and filled the tooth anyway.

I also did not get a crown or seal on either tooth after the root canals. I am not sure why, but it was probably because my parents didn't want to pay for it.

Every few years one of the teeth would get infected and since I didn't have dental (or health insurance at times) the only treatment I got was anti biotics. I couldn't afford to get the tooth extracted because since it was a root canal tooth it was a surgical extraction and gum surgery which is more complicated than just yanking out a tooth.

Anyway fast forward to a few years ago. I still did not have dental coverage yet but my husband had the money to pay for the surgery. I was lucky enough to get full sedation). I do not like going to the dentist as there is a lot of trauma from work I had to get done as a kid. I also have TMJD which makes even basic dental procedures very painful.

Went to the dentist with an active infection and the dentist who is also an MD was able to do the surgery with full sedation thankfully.

I asked for anti biotics because I did come in with an infection . The dr told me there was no need because he was able to dig out all of the infection during surgery. This is impossible. Humans cannot see bacteria with a naked eye. Maybe he had microscopes for eyes.

I explained to him that as an ME patient I have a compromised immune system (natural killer cell/t cell dysfunction. There are other immune cells that don't work properly in ME patients as well). He did not believe me. I also told him hen I had my wisdom teeth ouI I got a bad infection after that surgery (luckily that time I was believed and taken care of. I do not have an infection before the surgery). He said again no need for anti biotics.

He gave me a few days worth of tramadol for pain since I couldn't take NSAIDS and said I should be fine.

Tramodol wasn't making a dent in the pain and over the weekend my pain got worse. This wasn't a basic extraction and there was gum surgery as well. Tramadol wouldn't have made a dent in that pain even if there was no infection (at least for me). I ended up having a follow up appt on Monday. I was in absolute agony.

It was then that the doctor told me that my jaw dislocated several times during surgery (I have TMJD and my jaw slips out of socket frequently with just regular chewing). He did not mention this earlier because of my "anxiety" (My elevated BP and HR because of my POTS not actual anxiety)and said that is why he rx'd tramaodol and I was "lucky to get that"

Even if I did have anxiety ,I think he should have mentioned my jaw dislocating several times as that's important information to know. Having anxiety doesn't make you immune to pain or post op complications.

He told me he couldn't x ray the area until Thursday or Friday because the infection ,if present, wouldn't show up. I knew this was a lie because when I got a post op infection after wisdom teeth removal it showed up 2 days after surgery. This was about 3-4 days after. I also had a really disgusting taste in my mouth, you know because I had an infection.

He said I was having muscle spasms and it was impossible that my pain was spreading beyond the nerve. I was just being anxious.

He did rx a few vicodin at this time and said to follow up at the end of the week if it is not better.

Remember, I came in with an active infection before I had the surgery. .What the actual fuck?

I ended up getting a second opinion at another dentist and he was shocked. The "impossible" spreading pain was, you guessed it a very obvious infection.

Had I listened to the original dr things would have gotten really bad . I did also have a low grade fever. My normal body temp is lower than most folks at about 96.8-97. When my temp is 99+ it's definitely a fever. No one gives a shit about that though.

1. About 10 or so years ago I had a syncope event while walking down the street. I ended up with really bad skinned knees and road rash-like injuries. I did not know I had POTS at the time and was told for decades my fainting was wither vaso-vagal syncope or anxiety. Again with the anxiety BS.

Side note: I know many people with anxiety/panic disorders add other mental health illnesses. They are not treated like this. They do not have all their symptoms blamed on their anxiety or depression. I believe this is from the stigma of having ME/fibro etc (and being a woman). We are all seen as hypochondriacs or fakers. Also most of the people I know with anxiety dx are men. This is just a coincidence as women get anxiety disorders as well. Men however are for the most part believed by their doctors and their issues are taken seriously.

I cleaned up my wounds the best that I could but my knee took the brunt of the fall and the injury was really bad. After a few days I noticed it was getting hot, was oozing and I had red lines coming out of it. This is classic textbook infection symptoms.

I ended up at urgent care. I didn't even see an actual doctor as the nurse decided that I just needed the wound cleaned. I was sitting up the whole time so I had mottling/cyanosis and it was hard to see the red lines. At the time I didn't know why my legs got discolored but I did know when I was laying flat ,feet off the floor my color gets back to normal. I explained this to the nurse. She didn't believe me and said it was just a skinned knee. I also told her I fell because I passed out. She gave zero fucks and said it must have been a panic attack even though I was not remotely anxious at the time.

Though my limbs were cold (they get cold when the discoloration starts because my blood is not circulating properly) but the would itself was still warm. That didn't matter. I apparently was just a hypochondriac looking for attention.

My knee wound did not get better and the infection was spreading like a fucking spider web. I was lucky enough that a free clinic close to my home was open a few days later (though I have worked most of my adult life-until I got too disabled to work- I spent my life in poverty and could not afford health insurance. Welcome to the USA)

The doctor that saw me believed me and prescribed anti biotcs. He also inquired as to why/how fainted. I told him I didn't know, that this was happening for decades a t this point and no doctors seem to care.

Second side note. There was a time in my childhood to early-mid 20's where I had health insurance and had these issues but no one would refer me for further testing because it was just my non-existent anxiety causing me to pass out.

He did order some blood tests and said I should followup with a neurologist and/or cardiologist. Having no insurance though that was impossible. Medicaid (welfare/government health care for those outside the US) is only available to low income people with children or disabled people. ME is not considered a disability as far as medicaid is concerned. I was told to not bother applying because I did not have children and didn't have a "real disability".

Don't get me started on the hoops people need to go through to get disability benefits.

I have more stories just like this. In both of these instances I was dismissed, gaslit and I as a severely sick/disabled person had to get second opinions just so I wouldn't die of an infection. These were not obscure infections either. Classic textbook shit with fevers.

The consistent gaslighting has caused me to have essentially medical "imposter syndrome". That is not an official illness but it basically means I do not trust my own body and my own experiences. I often delay going to the doctor for months or years when new symptoms come up as they don't believe me anyway and I am too sick to fight the system.

If I go the the doctor it is because something is seriously wrong as I am too sick to leave the house .Doctor appointments cause crashes that last for weeks or months and almost always lead to no treatments.

The trauma medical gaslighting causes is hard for me to put into words.

Oh and psychological /emotional abuse which gaslighting is a form of, causes brain damage and PTSD, so that's fun too. Psychological and emotional abuses are physical abuses and can lead to permanent damage.

So much for "do no harm".

@freecompliments @thebighigg I thought this may interest you.

Medical professionals. please do better.