Welcome back!

Due to the Januari Hive power up challange I will power up some hive everyday and make a hive blog. Despite being somewhat comfortable with sharing about topics regarding mental healthcare - I feel I would not created this post without the PUM challenge , as it is much easier to look back at rough days and talk about it , than when you are in the middle of it.

Mental Struggles

I am not a stranger to mental struggles , having been through multiple treatment programs in the past.

After finishing 2 intensive parallel programs in 2023, I found myself with new tools. Allowing me - most of the times- to be able to accept and deal (with) my vulnerabilities and handle the backpack that I carry.

About a year a go, I felt aware of my growth in a couple of area’s where I was struggling before - but also found myself falling back into old patterns on other topics. When the situation regressed - I went back to the GP for a referral for specialized care. Here in the Netherlands this is organized pretty well, at least financially - basic coverage (€1300 / year) , covers all costs, the drawback of the system are the waiting lists - generally well above 1.5 year.

I got lucky in the sense that I only had to wait 3 months before I can start again - which is … next week! I am very much looking forward to starting - but also find it a bit scary to go through it all again. Last few weeks I noticed the tension building and heavier escalations Last night it became bad - to the extent I had to take emergency medication - I didn’t take for 5 years -to stop the dark thoughts. Today on the last day of the kids holidays - i was not really there in my mind - but tried to wear a mask so they can have a great day (which i think they had).

To close this day with some positivity - my oldest daughter asked me what was wrong - although I don’t want to share the burdain with her, I was able to explain that sometimes we can feel alone - even in a room full of loved ones or feel like a faillure - even when objectively everything is going well. But those feelings are also oke to have - sharing how you feel with loved ones, ask for help and be kind to yourself are key for self development here.

**Hive Power Up Month
**

Progress:

01-01-2025 = 10 hive powered up

02-01-2025 = 10.1 hive powered up

03-01-2025 = 10.2 hive powered up

04-01-2025 = 10.3 hive powered up
05-01-2025 = 10.4 hive powered up
06-01-2025 = 10.5 hive powered up

Total Januari; 61.5 hive powered up