Image made by me using Polish App
For a really long time in my life, leaving an uncomfortable conversation always made me feel like I was breaking a rule that I wasn't even aware of but still felt obligated to adhere to. I learned that behavior as a kid and I grew up believing that the polite thing to do was to just stay there, smile, nod my head and endure the conversation, even if it was draining the joy and sanity out of me. I continued doing this throughout my early twenties and taught myself to ignore my own limits.
One night is when I truly learned that my limits had been crossed. I was at a casual gathering, drinking (non alcoholic because I don't drink alcohol) and planning on mingling with all different groups of people. Instead, I ended up with a stranger who kept ranting about his life, the same stories and had the same opinions just with different word, some people can talk in perfect circles. I attempted to give my usual non verbal cues and a face o usually give when I really want to say sorry, I don't have time for this and I'm going to have to go now. I started giving the man shorter replies, fewer questions, looking around the room like I had forgotten something. Nothing worked. Thirty minutes later, I was so tired and frustrated that I hardly felt any irritation.
The issue was not with the person but that I had no control over how I spent my time and in the name of being polite I had kicked my own boundaries away. This remained with me as I was in the Uber home that evening.
After that experience, I paid more attention to how others exit their conversations. The majority seemed to keep their exit simple with a brief reason for leaving followed by a polite comment and then they moved without any guilt whatsoever. I never saw a long explanation or excuse for leaving.
I had to try it this month and this did feel awkward for me but I simply said that I needed to go check on something, wished them well, then left. I was surprised, I did not receive any bad reactions, in fact, nobody followed me.
Now I'm realizing it is absolutely normal to exit a conversation without feeling guilty, and I feel more confident in doing so, as continuing to socially engage with someone who no longer serves a useful purpose for you and the person is going to be a bad experience for everyone proscribed by their collective guilt.
I sketched up a simple guide you can follow to leave a conversation you're uncomfortable with.
This post has been shared on Reddit by @princessluv through the HivePosh initiative.