Today is a struggle. There are several people who wrote wonderful, long comments that deserve my time and considered response. It is HiveBloPoMo, and I want to create a halfway decent post each day, something worth reading.
I have a list of topics as long as my arm. That is not the issue. The issue is that my body and brain are slow today. This is the sort of day I normally would not write.
It makes me wonder whether this challenge is too much for me, which seems a little sad. How can creating one post per day be too much when I am doing little else?
The answer is, I suppose, that this is depression. Often, people ask, "Why are you depressed?" When someone asks that, I know they don't understand depression. If someone has cancer, MS, diabetes, etc., no one asks why they have the illness (although there is an alarming trend of blaming people for being ill.)
I cannot sleep. If I go to sleep without a sleeping pill of some sort, I wake after an hour. That is likely depression also. I have finally found a new doctor and have an appointment next week. I have very little hope or optimism about this, but I should try.
I have a phone appointment with my psychiatrist again on Thursday. This is the fourth month in a row. The first time, he told me to quadruple the dose of one of my meds, which I did, and I felt better, but it gave me near constant nausea. The next month, he said he had not meant quadruple; he meant double. He said to go back to the original dose, so I did. On the third appointment, he said he had meant that I should stop taking it, and since I had failed to do so, I had to wait another month. That brings us to Thursday. I don't hold out much hope.
While I think he and I clearly are not communicating properly, the truth is, it doesn't matter. I don't think modern medicine can help me. I am not saying it cannot help anyone with depression. Over 50% of depressions are treatable by medication. Exercise helps a lot, but try motivating yourself when you are acutely depressed. Or move a mountain with a spoon. The latter seems easier.
The result of my sleeplessness is that I take medication to sleep, and wake up nearly unable to move because the medication is so powerful. However, move I must because one still needs to use the bathroom!
This is probably too much information. Normally, I probably wouldn't post it, but I don't want to mess up my HiveBloPoMo streak, and I also don't want people to think I am ignoring them.
I have never found it easy to post, I do like reading post from others, I am much much more a consumer than a creator. I wish my doctor could give me a sleeping pill or something to help me sleep, but if I did take one I am afraid I would wet my bed since I need to get up and pee every hour and a half to every two hours. I really count myself lucky when I can make it 3 or four hours of uninterrupted sleep.
I don't know much about depression, but I certainly felt like I experienced some of it while I was in the hospital.
That sounds so challenging. I have to take medication to get 3 or 4 hours in a row. I would not be surprised if the hospital triggered some depression. I dragged my carcass to the hospital to visit my Dad regularly when he had his triple bypass even though I felt like hell because I didn't want him to start to get down. Or more down. With no visitors, I just imagined it would feel very bad being in hospital. I also bought him a cell phone. He has held out all these years, but he needed the contact. He was grateful.
Thank you for your comment.
!LUV
Yes contact with the outside world is needed when in a long hospital stay. I wish I had had some had my phone with me. The extent of 90 percent of my communication with people was "I gotta go pee", I was on bed lock down and had to have a nurse present when I got out of bed. So I am sure your dad really appreciated having his phone.
Sleep issues seem to be a big factor in a lot of lives, we need the uninterrupted sleep to heal, but sometimes our conditions just don't allow for that.
Writing is a help for many that have mild depression, I hope having a challenge to yourself helps. Kind of like talking to people in advance and then being able to sit back and read and then respond to them when the comment has been digested so as not to upset the system.
I think writing comments to people help me stay grounded, I may not post much, but sometimes I like to leave comments on meaningful post or those that make m think or laugh.
@harlowjourney(2/3) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
Wow, that is such a powerful blog post! I feel like you are speaking straight to me, even though we have never met before. Hi, I am @frittro, and I've recently started watching the newly created content on the
HIVE social blockchain for any mention of the word "diabetes", as I am helping to start up this new 
Hive Diabetes Peer Support (HDPS) Community.
But there is more to me than just being a Type
diabetic. I also have 
autism, chronic 
heart issues, and, yes, 
mental health issues as well. I often make a joke about the interaction between these issues that I face, it goes something like this...
The
heart says that it needs more exercise. I should go for a run!
diabetes says yes, exercise is good, but I need to check my blood sugar level as well.
autism thinks that this is a great opportunity to make some more graphs and statistics!
depression says, "%&@# it, I'm off back to bed! You lot do what you like."
The
The
The
Haha.
When it comes to the depression, I too have come to the same conclusion. The medical profession, including psychiatrists and psychologists, have practically given up on me. The medications they give me have no effect whatsoever on my mood, no matter what they try. I do respond well with a social worker though, and I used to attend a community support centre called Te Ata, but that was in those pre-COVID days that are now becoming dim memories.
Your post has been curated by @frittro of the
Hive Diabetes Peer Support (HDPS) Community. We are a new 
HIVE Community created recently, and officially launched on 1-Apr-2022, here on the social blockchain and on 
Discord. Our goal is to become a place to discuss your own or a loved one's experience of diabetes, for shared mutual peer support and encouragement.
@diabetes-support Thank you for your thoughtful comment and curation. I am finding it hard to respond properly to comments these past couple of days. It is challenging to have multiple issues at once. It sounds like you have more than I do, but I have a few.
Right now, I would really like to crawl under a rock. But I would have to lift it first, which would be too much.
!LUV
I understand. I have days like that myself.
When I feel like that, one thing that I have found helpful for myself is just getting out into nature. A quiet walk alone at a beach, or in the forest, really helps to centre me. Sometimes I just go to our local park and spend the day sitting under a tree. Being outside in the fresh air and daylight is beneficial, simple, and free. That is what works for me, anyway.
@harlowjourney(1/3) gave you LUV.
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HiveBuzz.me NFT for Peace
I also live with autism spectrum disorder, and this is not always the case.
Once I was diagnosed with dysthymia, which is a chronic form of depression, but it simply disappeared one day, and I found happiness. I have not took any medications. Maybe you do not need it either.
Nowadays I live with a Harris's hawk, and she gives me more happiness and more love than anything else in this world nowadays.
Maybe an animal would help you too.
Have a nice day. All the best. Greetings and much love from Hungary.
Indeed, that is the very meaning of the word "spectrum". No two
For various reasons, we can't have pets in our home at present. In the past though, I have responded well with a pet in my life. I do look forward to again being able to have a pet, one day.
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Thank you!
!BEER
View or trade
BEER.Hey @consciouscat, here is a little bit of
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BEER.That is not necessarily depression. It could be a sleep disorder, which can be caused by many things. The two main causes are health problems and too much stress. I know very well what is struggling, I experience it every day. If we struggle so much, then that can easily lead to too much stress, which can lead to sleep disorder. This case does not have anything to do with depression.
It is important to find the real cause, and to not get a false diagnosis. A false diagnosis, and consequently a false treatment can make the situation even worse. Much worse in some cases.
I hope that your new doctor will give find the real cause(s) of your sleeping problem(s).
Have a nice day. All the best. Greetings and much love from Hungary.
I know you probably mean well, but, having had this illness for 25 years, I think I know I have it.
My case is similar with the autism spectrum disorder, and with other disabilities, including having (being born with) multiple visual impairments. I have all of them since I live. This means almost 30 years. I will be 30 years old on 2022.09.17. So I absolutely/completely understand you.
@frittro Thank you for the reblog!