I am saying this from a place of love. I really don't want to offend anyone. But, I must say something! A few days ago I received a stream of anxiety-inducing comments while picking up a few things at the hardware store. The thing is: all of these comments were meant well. Like, the men who said these things to me had a smile on their face and thought they were being nice. I however felt like I was standing in front of a row of judges who were downvoting my self confidence.
How could this be?
Well, let me just paint a picture for you.
A few days ago I was heading up to the mountains to finally finish a bench I have been crafting on my family's land. On the way I needed to buy a few bags of cement and sand. I sat in the car for a full 15 minutes before getting up the nerve to walk in their, alone. The reason being that I feel like as a young, cute woman, I am generally not treated seriously in hardware stores.
Luckily, the first person to great me was super nice. He asked me what I was looking for and showed me to the concrete and sand section. Despite stumbling over my words a little bit I was able to explain what I needed. He asked me what I was building in a super nice and supportive way and we got to talking about my DIY building projects with cob & other natural materials.
Sadly though, I did make a major error and asked for concrete instead of cement! ugh!
Anyway, I took my place in line with my cart loaded up with 6 bags of sand and 2 bags of concrete - each weighing 50 pounds. That is when the stream of comments began. Literally every man who walked by felt the need to say something like:
"I hope you have help loading those into your car"
or
"You're going to mix concrete .... by yourself?!"
I just smiled and nodded and didn't really engage. I tried to hide how their doubting comments made me feel like my stomach was full of nervous butterflies. On the outside, however, I was trying to project the confident builder girlie that I am.
Luckily, I got some positive comments too. An old dude in line smiled and said:
"Looks like you have a fun project ahead of you"
and in response to some of the skeptical looks Paul - the man who had helped me load my cart with concrete and sand - said:
"She knows what she is doing"
And that last comment is the one that I want to hold on to. That is exactly the vibe I wish for from my fellow humans; supportive words and a helping hand. Even though I could have loaded my trunk with the 8 bags on my own if needed, I accepted Paul's help.
Before I left we chatted for a bit about natural building and I told him about the bench I am working on, and the house my man & I are building on. He was super nice and supportive and wished us all the luck in the world.
I thanked him for the supportive vibes and told him how awkward it often is to walk into a hardware store on my own. Then, I drove off to do my building project, 100% alone.
And yeah I did make the rookie mistake of asking for concrete when I really wanted cement. But, whatever girl, learning is about making mistakes and working what you've got. And in the end, it all worked out.
Nice to see your projects! That said loading up stuff above 15kg as a women it's totally fine to ask for help.
I'm built like a tank and if it comes to concrete works I accept all help it's heavy!
I was happy to be helped with the heavy bags. I take issue with the negative comments, though. Luckily the man helping me was not only very kind but also super encouraging!!
"BRAVO!" to Paul for sticking up for you! "She knows what she is doing"
We need more people like Paul in the world! 💞
When you finish the project, please show us the final work! 🙂
Yes!! Thanks for Paul. His encouragement made such a big impression on me. Thanks for highlighting Paul - because as much as this post is a criticism of men, I also want to praise the good male energy & those who choose to use it.
I recently learned what this was. There are real imposters and those who carry the syndrome, usually unwarranted!
It is nice to have a phrase to describe the feeling. Now that I know about Imposter Syndrome I am fighting it whenever it shows up in my life.
Is this the norm where you live? People commenting to strangers in this manner? I'm shocked honestly. I haven't met anyone to comment on what I'm buying or what others are buying, unless they know each other. Don't let them influence you.
I feel like in small towns in the USA strangers do talk to each other more than in other countries I have lived in. But I have never had people get so involved in the materials I was buying. I think that part of the reason is that the hardware store is in a VERY small town where not much happens. And of course the other reason is that these men aren't really used to seeing women buying building supplies. Funny to say in this day & age!
And thanks for the encouragement. I feel like I did a pretty good job of letting their comments flow past without taking it personally. Still, it does contribute to feeling nervous before going to hardware stores in general. I will have to keep fighting imposter syndrome for a bit longer now, it seems.
No way! You're definitely not an imposter and youbneed to show them they are wrong! It's shocking to learn about how they behave but knowing it's a small town, explains it.
Sending you good vibes and support!
thank you so much!!! I really appreciate your good vibes and support. It means a lot to me.
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