I remember when my little sister got her ears pierced. I didn't see it as I was standing out on the street with my brothers, but I heard it. She doesn't remember, as she was six months old, but I remember her screaming for a couple minutes until it was over. Back then, things were different.
Yesterday, I took my own daughter to get her ears pierced, which was part of her ninth birthday present a few months ago. We would have done it earlier, but she isn't allowed to swim or go to sauna or sweat for a few weeks.
It is an experience she isn't likely to forget.
Not because of pain.
An hour before we went, I put a topical anaesthetic on her earlobes so that she wouldn't feel much of it at all. Much easier. And we went to "the best" piercer in the city, who has been recommended by so, so many people to us. But we were warned.
So when we went into the studio, which is in an apartment building, Smallsteps was a little bit surprised, since the guy is covered in tattoos, has long, hangy earlobes with weights in them and under-skin body modifications in his hands. He had grown his hair, so the horns weren't showing.
Up until this point, Smallsteps had been pretty confident, but when the guy said "ready to go" and we started to walk into the room, I could feel the trepidation in her hand. And once in the seat, she was definitely having second thoughts. However, I reminded her how she has had so many blood tests in the past and this is far easier than that, and with a single tear in her eye, she was ready.
The guy was really good.
His English was brilliant and he first went through all the care instructions. But after that, he also spoke through everything he was doing, leaving nothing as a surprise. He said to Smallsteps what was happening (leaving out technical details) and said what she would feel, which put her mind at ease. He did the first one and she didn't feel it at all, other than pressure on her ear. Then, she was confident for the second, which after she said she felt like a bee sting, but then downgraded it to more like a mosquito bite.
We chose the basic metal studs that will stay in her ears for about four months until we change them, because they are smooth and are unlikely to get hooked on clothes and whatnot. She looked in the mirror at herself and she was pretty proud she went through with it, and is happy with the way they look.
About half her friends have theirs pierced, some for a couple years already. It seems there is a cultural thing with it in Finland where parents put it off for quite a long time, until the kids are twelve or more. But those with foreign parents tend to get them done at about half that age. I have no idea what is better or worse, but getting them done is really only a slight physical discomfort, so as long as it is psychologically prepared well enough, any age is okay.
Not sure if I would have got my daughter's done at 6 months old though.
As we were driving home, we were talking about it a bit and how when the ears are healed enough, I will get her some nice gold earrings, or platinum, to cut down on the chances of infection and reaction. Too many people change the earrings over too soon, and then put in metals that cause reactions. Many people even get reactions to silver.
I am looking forward to going earring shopping with her.
Not the spending on them though.
However, what I also liked about this was that it was a daddy-daughter thing that we did together. So that her memory (other than the guy) will be with me. Having a daughter means that many of these kinds of things get done by the mother, and the dad is just around the place. So for me, it was special too and a far better experience than having to listen to my little sister scream when I was only four myself. I think I was more traumatised by that than my sister.
But no trauma this time for anyone.
Taraz
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I'm always excited when Lily comes to me to do things with her that are culturally mom-stuff, like cutting her hair or buying clothes. I'm pretty sure she knows and does it on purpose, taking advantage of some lee way that my excitement gives her. Still within the tolerable - definitely better than the adult-clothes-made-short that her mom's family gives her sometimes (and who magically disappear quickly when brought to my place).
In Ecuador, ears get pierced almost directly after birth. No chance of weighing in for the baby. Lily had the chance, but we needed two attempts - the first time, her mom didn't follow the cleaning procedures and so on, and something painful happened so Lily didn't want them anymore. The second time around both of them had learned their lesson and now she's very happy with her earrings and stuff.
I love clothes shopping for women in general. I am glad I don't have a boy! Though I understand the inappropriate kids clothes these days - it is getting pretty silly. We dress Smallsteps like a kid. Her "good clothes" are still demure.
I think a lot of cultures are the same. I wonder if doing it young means that they are less likely to be level or straight?
My niece is growing up. Soon I'll not be the cool uncle, just some old dude she used to know.
Did she send you the picture? She did really well in there :)
Yeah, she did, with a note, "can you see anything different?"
We're looking forward to tonight's video chat to ask her about it.
This shows that parents have an important role to play in the development of their children. When they are too young, you walk with them much of the way, pointing out what is right and what is not, and providing parental guidance and emotional support, like you did with your daughter. When they reach their teens or so, they'd have attained a considerable level of Independence, so your presence won't be needed like when they were younger.
I have heard many people debate the importance of both parents being in the life of a child and helping in their growth. Many seem to think that single parenting is as effective as having both parents. I usually don't waste my energy trying to convince them otherwise.
And even if they don't know enough, they will take their independent path anyway :)
On the case of two parents, I think it is better to have both, but not always possible. But I also feel there is some difference if parents are lost through divorce, or through death like in a war. I think it has a different effect on the kid.
Nice to see parents putting in the effort to get their kids ready mentally for experiences like this. I think this way not only helped ease her worries, also made some unforgettable memories together.
Can't prepare for everything, but some things are worth the effort.
What stood out to me is how much trust and calm you built before anything even happened. Explaining every step and preparing her mentally made all the difference. It shows that fear often comes more from the unknown than from pain itself. That lesson goes far beyond ear piercing and into many parts of parenting and life.
We should remember it as individuals too. When scared of something, get to know it better.
We didn't pierce my little Sofia's ears; we avoided anything that might cause bleeding. It's wonderful to see how Smallsteps has grown. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and that the coming year is full of unforgettable adventures. Blessings.
There was no bleeding at all with this. But otherwise, Smallsteps has had a lot of blood tests over the years from day one of her birth, so she is okay with it - though she doesn't like it.
Have a great end to the year!
The cultural difference you mentioned is interesting. It shows how something so small can carry very different meanings depending on where you’re from. I like that you didn’t push an age as “right” or “wrong,” but focused instead on readiness and consent. That feels respectful and thoughtful.
I am not sure if there is a right age for anything really Mostly, age is an arbitrary number. With this in mind, how many 18 year olds are mature enough to vote, or go to war and kill people in a foreign country?
Owww this really highlights how much parenting has changed, making space for fear and preparing for it, instead of dismissing it. You handled it with patience, and it clearly paid off. Where im from girls have their ears pierced as early as possible, like when they are less than 6 months old babies.
Is this because of tradition, or is it considered easier to do it then?