there are several assumptions in your essay that do not align with the lived reality of women, nor with what my piece actually said.
This isn't meant to align with anything you said. It is not about you, or your experience.
First, I want to be clear: no serious conversation about gender-based harassment anywhere in the world ever says women want to be worshipped.
I am not sure if you have missed the point, but if you have paid any attention to popular culture over the last forty years, it has definitely said that women want to be worshipped. Culture is not driven by serious conversation, it is driven by popularity. Serious conversation has been replaced by tweets and tiktoks that people take on as beliefs and ways of living. That is culture. You are part of that too, as am I.
That is a caricature, not a lived truth.
The culture today as I see it, is a caricature. People pretending to be human, driven by algorithms that dictate how they think and act.
Women ask for basic safety, respect, consent, and accountability. That is not contradiction. It is reality.
As do men. It doesn't happen in today's culture.
The idea that men cannot do much about it because society created the problem removes accountability and excuses behavior rather than challenging it.
In your post you want "me to have conversations" - It is impractical and just doesn't work, because for instance, none of my circles of men now or in the past behave in the way you described. What that means is I can have all the conversations, but it is preaching to the choir - they aren't the perpetrators. The only way I could meet the people you talk about, is to roam the streets like a vigilante, looking for these kinds of men. Is that the expectation? You want "good men" to go our and preach to "bad men"?
It is a request for emotional maturity and awareness, something many men themselves identify as valuable and necessary.
Sama sanat.
I don't find the majority of what you call serious conversation, emotionally mature or aware. It is largely unhelpful to change the direction of anything, other than creating more shame on people who have done no wrong. It is taking the acts of individuals and pushing it out to 4 billion people, assuming that they all act this way. The majority of men wouldn't be screaming on the street.
Communication, empathy, and mutual respect are not about saying comfortable things but about being honest, respectful, and accountable.
The problem is, it isn't two way. Men have become more of what women have said they have wanted, more emotional, more open, more vulnerable. The problem is, the women haven't become more understanding of that kind of man. Instead, they have become less so if anything, because they don't put up with discomfort in the same way any more. Women tend to be more thoughtless than they were, less nurturing, less motherly. Even you yourself have mentioned how you are unable to read between the lines - so have you ever thought how that makes other people you communicate with feel? If you are unable to interact well with other humans, what makes you think that they should be able to interact well with you?
Men stepping up and intervening when another man behaves inappropriately does change the culture around them, because culture is shaped by action, not by abstraction.
Men do intervene. A friend of mine was stabbed to death intervening. I am well aware that actions lead to cultural change, but you are arguing for more violence. That is not the action required, it will just exacerbate the problem. The action required is that humans interact more together, learn how to complement each other's skills and traits, rather than search for equality in all things. Learn to love each other. But, that is not the direction we are going - instead, like you said, you went home to seek comfort from an AI conversation. That is an action too, and I believe that this kind of behaviour is breaking humanity further apart, making the problems worse, and accelerating the decline.
Your essay also suggests that women have been told they can do anything and that men should worship them. These are not common cultural messages communicated by women seeking equality or safety
35 years ago as a kid, there was a campaign in Australia that was literally called "Girls can do anything". Then, turn on the radio or the TV, listen to the songs, watch the movies and shows, be honest with the cultural shifts. You might want equality and safety, but it comes with contradictions in other areas. As I said on your post, all of this is driven by millions of tiny actions that lead to where we are today. You are looking at an extreme end, but there are upstream situations that are driving it. Violence and these poor behaviours are symptoms of a broken society. Treating the symptoms will do nothing, except create more violence.
Many studies show that sexual harassment is not about miscommunication but about power and control, and that reducing responsibility for perpetrators undermines prevention.
Symptom, not the cause. The men you speak of (there are plenty of women who sexually harass too - I have experienced it multiple times first hand), are products of their environment. Just like a fat person is a product of what they consume, and lack of action. Whatever they are consuming, is leading them into bad behaviours, right? Change what they consume - change the narratives, change the way children are raised, change the way people interact together, change the way people conflict resolve, change the way people emotionally respond, change the way people are able to understand others and themselves.
Finally, safety in public spaces is not earned. It is a right. Women adjusting their behavior to avoid harassment is not a sign of stubborn independence or irrational fear. It is a rational response to very real risk that exists because individuals choose to behave in harmful ways.
There is no such thing as a right. The only laws that are unchanging, are those dictated by nature. Human rights change. Women should protect themselves, because the world we have created is fucking ridiculously violent when it doesn't need to be. Women should be rational about it, for their individual safety. But, it doesn't fix the issue of society breaking down. Both men and women play the part in that. If we want safety, we have to change the way society functions, which means we all have to change our behaviours. Because, it is the collective culmination of all of our behaviours that have led us here. Sexual harassment doesn't happen in a vacuum, the conditions are built for it.
If we want a safer society, we do not start by telling victims to adjust their expectations.
Yes we do. Because many people expect to get what they want, without having to do anything for it. That is not the way the world works, never will be. It is part of the problem to begin with. A man screaming at you on the street has that expectation. A woman getting angry when a man approaches her at a bar, but isn't the right kind of man, has that expectation. People are spoiled tyrants, without the awareness, or emotional maturity to control themselves. Expecting these kinds of people to suddenly change, is poor behaviour in and of itself. People can learn, but being berated isn't going to e the way they will learn. It has to come through a huge change in the structure of society, not a focus on individual symptoms as if they live in a vacuum.
We start by holding individuals accountable when they do harm, and by creating environments where people look out for one another without needing permission or gratefulness to act ethically.
Yes. creating environments is the key, as is accountability. The thing is, people only want others to be held accountable for their symptom action, even though we are all part of creating the environment that led to that symptom.
I use fatness as an example, because while there are some extremely rare cases where fatness isn't from overeating and a lack of exercise, most of it is. It is behavioural, driven by culture and society, upbringing and nurture. Same for violence, right? Very few people are born violent.