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RE: Midlife Plagues

in Reflections8 months ago

From what I've seen, bitterness comes from people who ignore that fact or don't know it at all.

I think so too. People who seem to be unaware of what affects them, or what they are able to affect.

Have you learned any tips from your therapist, or is it more to have someone to listen?

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Having someone to listen certainly helped. I found a number of issues disappeared (or improved significantly, at least) just after saying them to someone else, so that can be really useful.As far as tips, I think that one, that we're always asking what we're gonna be "when we grow up" is my favorite. On a practical level, I also liked this sort of end-of-year wrap-up I did with her in December, assessing not just what I'd learned from the good and bad to come my way in 2023, but also what I wanted to focus on in 2024. Something she said that I'm often thinking about is don't keep your plans vague, don't just trust it'll somehow come, happen, whatever. Because often, plans you don't make or outline remain unmade and un-outlined, you know?
She's certainly introduced a mindset of "make a list, make a plan" that wasn't really my style before and that has helped to an extent.

Re. tips, I just remembered something I learned in therapy that I at least found useful. I don't know what you're like, but I have a terrible time accepting help. Very independent, very "I got this". And one thing I really liked learning was that a. people are typically offering things that are easy for them to offer. Like things that come easily to them (e.g. listening), they have an abundance of, or that are no effort for them (e.g. cook you something or drive you somewhere). People aren't offering things that are a lot of effort or out of their way. That put me at ease.
And b, when I say "no" to someone's offer to help (or maybe refuse to ask for help entirely), I'm not aiding them. 'Cause people draw satisfaction and feel good and needed when they're able to help you, so refusing help is actively denying them of that.

For me, it was a thing, and I was just reminded of it by a podcast, thought I'd share. :)