Opportunity Lost or Stolen

I caught the bus into the city last night, so that I could enjoy a few drinks whilst watching the hockey. I am not a big drinker normally anyway, though it is better than having a little too much and driving, even though the chances of getting caught in Finland is pretty low, as they don't have enough roadside testing.

On the bus ride home, I was sitting behind a young couple who were in their early twenties and in the 25 minutes we were traveling, the guy spent the entire time on his phone screen. The only time he acknowledged his girlfriend, was to show her something from the screen, which she didn't seem to be overly interested in. As I could see his screen most of the time, all he was doing was scrolling through TikTok and Instagram videos, barely stopping to even know what was seen, even though he was furiously tapping the heart button on Instagram.

When I first came to Finland, I was often accused of "stealing women" by Finnish men in bars, who would make this assumption, no matter who I was actually with at the bar. While I am not going to dive into that too far here, one of the things that my female friends would say was attractive about foreign men was, they wouldn't need to be drunk in order to talk to a woman at a bar, and that they danced. And one of the most common attributes was that they felt that the man was actually interested in them, listened to them and had a conversation with them, regardless of where it was going to lead.

I was thinking about this on the bus, where instead of being too drunk, this guy was ignoring his partner using the phone instead - a different kind of social dysfunction. While culture has changed, at some point will this girl want more from a relationship, or will she be content to live a life beside another person, not with another person. Has culture changed so much that two million years of evolution to be socially engaged has been voided?

I suspect not.

I could be wrong.

I don't think I am though, as female friends of all adult ages seem to be consistently unimpressed by the level of social skills of the men they interact with, except the older men. They said that "older men" (those who didn't grow up with smartphones, social media and dating apps, tended to have better social skills, and were more interesting to talk to. Similar to what the guy did on the bus, younger men seem to be more reliant on technology for their personality, to have some interesting to show a partner, or a potential partner. This works well enough when interacting virtually, but in real life, it doesn't translate well.

As said, culture is changing, but I do think it is going to be a while before women abandon interpersonal skills and if anything, they will get better at recognizing who is worth their time. This creates a skills shortage of sorts, as social skills will be in short supply, but in heavy demand. Those who break themselves away from the disconnection culture, will probably find themselves in quite a good social position, in a similar way that men who dance instead of getting drunk at the bar, find themselves on a dance floor full of women.

But, dancing is not enough of course, nor is being able to speak well socially. Generally, some level of other skill is also required, especially if looking for longer relationships. I also wonder about this in the future too, since it seems that younger generations are choosing a different type of career path, where they put the bare minimum in. This might be okay in some respects, but I wonder how that plays out in terms of relationships, when people are unable to satisfy as many of their couple desires, like travel, or even going out to a nicer restaurant occasionally. With people living at home longer, "Netflix and chill" is also a bit more awkward with the parents around.

Perhaps this is just the future of life for most people and we will adjust to having relationships where more time is spent consuming from strangers on a screen than with the people we are in a physical relationship. Maybe we will actually shift our genetic need for companionship enough that we are satisfied fully with digital hugs and affection. It is possible, but personally I don't think that there will ever come a time where I would be satisfied with the level of disconnection there is now, let alone how far it might progress in the future.

I think that social interaction is another one of the widening gaps in society, where there are wealth gaps, opportunity gaps and skill gaps, which are all likely impacted by gaps in interpersonal skills and our abilities to coordinate and collaborate. I don't know who thinks they are winning by becoming more digitally isolated, yet it does seem to be the trend. And, while the guy is staring at his phone, his girlfriend might be contemplating some of the questions and having a look around for a better alternative.

Is it opportunity stolen, or opportunity lost?

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]