A friend of mine was visiting with his family yesterday, on their way through to their Christmas. They drop by every year to see the mother and us, where we exchange some gifts for the kids. Their schedule got messed up though, as the mother got pneumonia and was taken to emergency and then farmed out to a hospital for the night. No drama for us and par for the course for them, since the mother is 84 years of age.
And then this morning, another friend sent a message that their partner's mother passed away this morning. No surprise either considering they were in their late eighties, but they had planned a Christmas with the three, now two, surviving parents, knowing it would likely be the last opportunity.
Missed it by a day.
But what this should remind people is what I was talking about the other day in terms of holding onto traditions like food or decoration reducing the "spirit" of an event like Christmas. It is about family and togetherness, community building and remembrance of those gone - and a pledge to the future, and those to come.
Many seem to forget that the reason for tradition at all, isn't actually to remember the past for the sake of the past, it is about remembering the lessons of the past to take into the future. This is why traditions need to evolve over time, because the lessons from the past don't apply eternally into the future, because the conditions they were created in have changed also. But the tradition of building a family, building a community, and being a source of inspiration for the future - can be continual.
None of these things rely on a type of food, the colour of decorations, or whether the house is spotless. Building a society takes a diverse set of people, actions and a wide range of skills to make it robust for now, and flexible for the future. A community needs to adapt in order to solve the problems it will face in the unknown road ahead, because if it doesn't, it becomes increasingly irrelevant to the point of obsolescence.
The irony is that the more a community tries to stay the same, the faster it is going to be swallowed up by change in a way that is uncomfortable. Rather than embracing change as part of the natural order of societal evolution, change becomes a force that threatens the identity of the group members. And when threatened, the group will push back on the change, becoming increasingly agitated and violent, doubling-down on their efforts to stay the same.
We see this daily now.
Let go of traditions.
I know that so many people base their identity on some kind of tradition, but in so doing, they are also limiting themselves from change. They are putting a ceiling on their growth, because they are putting walls around their experience. We tell children to "try new things" when it comes to the things that we want them to do, but that quickly becomes keep doing the same once they have learned the traditions of how they should behave. A lot of the most terrible behaviour of humanity from the past and present, comes down to tradition.
Stop it.
But it is hard to change, because we tie ourselves to these habits, whether they be religious, cultural, family, or peer sourced. We keep on doing the same things, because we feel comfortable doing so, even as the world changes around us. And by the time we realise that the world has changed, we feel it is too late to do anything about it.
This is who I am.
It is funny, because from moment to moment, we are what we do, but what that also means is that because what we do can change, who we are can change along with it. Instead of limiting ourselves to what we have done, we should take the lessons we have learned from the past and improve ourselves now. Improvement is change. Always. It is inherent to the process. There is no improvement in staying the same, only stagnancy.
Losing loved ones can be very difficult, but it is also a natural part of life and I think a good reminder that things have to change. Life as we know it, and the universe as a whole, is a cycle of continual movement and that movement includes both the birth of new movements, and the death of old. We can learn from the old, but remembering them by continually doing the same thing they did, doesn't honour their life, it degrades their contribution to change.
They are part of the cycle of evolution, so it is our job to build upon their lives, not to relive what they have already done. It is our job to create and build, problem solve and develop, so that the present is continually better than the past, and future generations have the best opportunity to continue the evolution, not maintain our best practices. Because no matter how good or with what intention, best practices get out of sync with the needs of a changing world, very quickly.
Taraz
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I think for us the biggest part of this time of year is just getting together. We do have some traditions that we stick to, but we also have given up some over the years and created new ones. The most important thing is that we do it all together.
That is the same for us. Now that the boys have moved out, the most important thing is that we all are together when we can be together.
For sure!
And I hope that we keep reminding ourselves of this, as family times can also be hard in terms of arguments and people digging into old wounds. My wife's family don't do much of that though - it is generally pleasant, though a bit shallow.
I think I know that feeling!
I think many people mistake paying respect to those of the past with maintaining tradition. There is a way to continue too pay your respect to those from your past, while still progressing and changing. We find ways to do it in our house. It changes every few years, but we still find ways to remmber parents, brothers, sisters, grandaparents and others who are now gone. They are what made the holidays special, not whether we had a real or artifial tree, or a certain dish at the table.
They have a thing here where they visit the graves a couple times a year. The cemetery isn't a scary place, it is filled with flowers and candles. It is quite nice, especially when there is snow on the ground.
We do here too. Not so much candles but flowers, and on Veterans Day and MEmorial Day there will be small flags on Veteran graves. I don't know, that is one tradition tha tseems to be okay.
I think on all saints day they do the graves for soldiers as well here. Also, there is someone standing guard at the memorials of the "unknown soldier" throughout the Christmas period.
it is good to change with time, but we should be careful with adapting to the changes...... i have different example....with time we started to use different cookware in kitchen like coated pan or aluminum base utensil. but now there are question raised on the use of these products as they are considered not good for health, our tradition use to be using brass or iron cookware we evolved and adapted to changes but was it for good?... festival is a time of celebration, a tradition that has been following since ages, but on death of someone, do we need to celebrate?
The cooking utensils is a good thing to consider. Changes made for convenience, not for betterment. We often confuse more convenient for better, but that isn't usually the case.
thats true..there are many things to consider before bringing changes in life
When we get together, we really enjoy listening to my father (80 years old) tell stories about the past. About how our ancestors lived in the 1930s–1960s. About how our great-great-grandfather lived in the 1890s, how he ran 20 km along the railroad every evening to his young wife (after a whole day of scythe-scythe in the heat), and so on.
Every Friday my grandad would do an 80k round trip to court my grandma. He would have time for a supervised cup of tea and a biscuit, before having to ride home again.
I think it is important to keep in mind that even though traditions can link us to our history, they shouldn't limit our development or ability to change. Life is all about growing ;)
My life seems to only have me growing wider. Christmas doesn't help.
Sadly true, many (especially from my part of the world) don't subscribe to this fact. They believe tradition should evolve eternally and shouldn't be changed even when it's no longer applicable in the present world talk more of the future, which is majorly the cause of our today's problem.
I quite agree with you. For the fact that what we do can change , who we are can change too like you rightly said. A few days ago I was discussing with a friend that the statement "this is who I am, I can't change" people mostly use is a sign of a closed mind that is adamant to change which doesn't symbolize growth.
So much harm gets done by people who should know better, but ignore what they know to maintain tradition.
The people who say "this is the way I am" generally means that what they actually are, is ignorant, fearful and lazy.
The part you talked about tradition becoming a cage instead of a guide is powerful. What once helped people survive can later stop them from growing. Holding on too tightly doesn’t protect identity, it slowly suffocates it. Change isn’t disrespectful to the past,only refusing to change is.
Our diet has to change as we age, so too do our habits.
Change, especially the kind that makes us uncomfortable is actually the one that causes growth and development, whether in a person or a community of people. And sometimes change may seem negative at first but the results will be a positive one.
The death of the loved ones of your friends is a reminder that nothing is guaranteed in life. Tomorrow is not even guaranteed, not even the next hour. So we should make the best of what short time we have on earth, especially doing meaningful things with our loved ones while we still have them.
Or positive and end up negative, as often is the case too :)
For a few months I did not create anything. Just colored those paint by numbers sets. I like them and I think that they are great decoration of our home. Today I finally sketched something. And I think that during those months I gotten worse at creating. I think that my idea for the sketch was decent but execution left to be desired. It is interesting how our skills can regress so quickly.
Skills can definitely regress fast, but then, if the muscle memory is there, it is pretty easy to get up to speed again. As long as the break isn't too large.
I love the idea that honoring those who came before us means building forward, not replaying their lives on repeat. Life goes on, society moves, and we’re meant to move with it. Remembering the lessons learnt is wisdom, when we refuse to evolve it brings fear dressed up as tradition.
I reckon most people don't think that the way they try to remember by keeping things the same is actually a harm to the life of those that have passed. At least, I have never heard anyone else talking about it.
This is a wonderful and practical thing that we should all follow. Instead of remembering our past as the root cause of our traditions, we should all remember the lessons of our past and move forward into the future. Then our lives will be beautiful and our future will be brighter.
A beautiful life is what most of us want, yet we don't act that way.
Nuked the AI comment bots. Whoever’s behind them should die a painful death!
:D
Thanks. I could only get them down so far.
This is a complex set of ideas.
You might like this:
Yeah, traditions can hold you back from evolving. I think USA evolved faster than Europe, because it relied less on traditions in the past. That is changing though as USA is aging as a country and has some traditions of its own..
You are so right!
Traditions may seem nice, but I feel for instance Xmas being one of those traditions that is crazy. I mean, decorations, tree and all the effort we put into creating food and whatnot. Sure, super nice to gather with family and friends, but it seems to me all this work that is put in by the hosts, is limited to one time a year, at least for most people. While, as you said, Xmas is not at all about all that, but the community itself, the people. I wonder, and asked many times my friends and family, why not doing simialr things throughout the year? Without all these Xmas shizzle, just gather the people we want, like and love at more or less random days in a year. Usually in such conversations, people say yes, got idea, but then, it rarely happens.
And yes, when living with all sorts of traditions, we won't change and you are 100% right, this limits ourselves to grow. Let us try and take this into 2026 and make an effort to convince others to let go of traditions - in a way - take the good parts and do something with that.
NJOY coming days.
I don't think family gathering over food will ever get out of sync. That's pretty much the only "tradition" I'm trying to hang on to.
Oh and storytelling but I don't do the oral version very well.
or any other version at the moment aaaahhhhh x_x
Problem solving is my favorite part of teaching math. Giving students the tools to understand a problem, consider a plan, carrying out the plan, and then reflecting on the solution. I guess it is my little way of trying to help others continue the evolution.
In my own life, thouogh, I've been looking for some consistency for awhile now and finally found it these past few years. I don't necessarily feel stagnated, although it has been very comforting to just enjoy life where I'm at for the last few years. I guess it is time for some positive growth in 2026.
Sad, that they didn't get the three for Christmas, it reinforces the point that tomorrow is not guranteed.
Perhaps they should open presents whenever everyone arrives next time...
Sorry, put my male hat on and tried to fix the problem.
I guess there are larger lessons here about sticking to tradition versus just getting together and enjoying each other whenever possible, and not being limited to gathering on Dec 25th...
Food for thought
I know I and my family haitually break traditions to do what we want to do, when we want to as a family, from opening presents early, eating the turkey hot out of the oven and not waiting for the ham, then eating the ham right out of the oven, using the good china for ourselves...not our guests LOL!
We are real revolutionaries..
Ha Ha Ha
Merrry CHristmas @tarazkp and Happy New Year
Thanks.