Reflecting on forgivenes

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Reflecting on forgiveness

Hello, friends! As always, it is a pleasure to post again in this community. Today I come with a piece full of personal reflection on what forgiveness means to me and why it has changed, at least for me.

I don't know if it's because I'm about to turn 40, but I've been reflecting a lot on my past and sincerely wondering if I had truly forgiven everything that had been done to me.

Because often our concept of forgiveness is heavily influenced by religious beliefs rather than our history and our reality, and it is important to note that forgiveness is not the same for everyone. For many, receiving an apology is not enough, and for others, forgetting does not erase the pain, concepts that are closely related to forgiveness.

But I also asked myself, from where do we choose to forgive, from moral obligation or from conscience? And what happens if you choose not to forgive?
Because it can also be liberating not to do so.

Since there are people who do not want to forgive, when we hear their stories and their pain, all we can do is remain silent and respectful, because the truth is that the process is so personal that often the pain of others makes us understand why it is difficult for them to see forgiveness as a path to healing.

I remember when I was in therapy and I confessed to the psychologist that I did not believe in forgiveness, and she asked me what forgiveness meant to me, and I said it meant forgetting, and she told me that was impossible because the mind is not designed to forget.

She said that mental health does not really depend on whether we forgive or not, but it does depend on whether we make that journey from the mind to the heart, and become aware of ourselves and our beliefs, and from there decide whether it is valid to forgive or not.

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After that therapy session, I reflected that forgiving is not forgetting, but accepting so that pain does not define us and beginning to see that we are all victims of victims.

I personally have forgiven, but I no longer see forgiveness as I did before, because for me it is a conscious choice and not a mandate as they make it seem, because for me it is a very personal process where I choose and go at my own pace, letting time and reflection teach me to heal.

However, I have also consciously chosen not to forgive, and that does not make me a bad person or resentful, because it is also healing not to forgive if we do not truly feel it, and that is also self-love, because there are wounds that do not come from the ignorance of others but from a lack of empathy and respect.

Because in the end, when forgiveness is true, it is a path of understanding with oneself where there is no moral pressure to forgive, but rather to heal and accept reality, and that frees us from any external expectations.

The important thing is to be at peace with ourselves.

Thank you for reading.

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