What is self-reflection? I still don't know yet
Facing the fear to look inwards and face who you are versus who you think you are or others do. It is a conscious process of asking yourself some uncomfortable questions and to find the bravery to answer them honestly within yourself. A life long process, sometimes possible, often not lol.
everything changed from my side but I still don't understand why changes happened so quickly.
There are the things we can't control, the war wasn't your choice, and with it comes consequences. Stress, on every level, is flooding your body with hormones like adrenalin and norepinephrine or cortisol. We are in survival mode and so is our body. Literally. For a period of time this is good, but when you face constant stress of some kind the hormone balance is permanently disturbed. A chronic overload of the system occurs. Sleep disorders, impairments of the ability to think, depression, high blood pressure...all symptoms. Benn there, done that 😂. Our body takes a long time to break down and regulate these hormones. That's why you find everything worthless now.
Well, I think I am still not that courageous to accept myself. But yes, I worked on myself and still working :D :P...
War did a lot of effects on my mental health and everything but to be honest, my pain seems mild now because of time. But yes, the feelings and emotions I have hidden in me are scary as I was not ready for this drastic change. A fun fact is still sometimes I consider some illogical decisions that can change my future again as well.
Every decision does, logical or not, conscious or not. When you realize it's illogical then you may be on the right track to listen to your subconsciousness. Then it is time to step back, but I know all too well how hard this is when being in an emotional state of mind. Emotions are rarely a good adviser for rational decisions.
But I also know how much pressure there is on a lot of people these days. To make decisions that are not ones they choose on. You choose between bad and worse kinda, especially in your situation. Options are limited, especially these days.
But with time things will fall into place, it's a time for many to get by day by day.