My Safe Place: LOH contest Week #194

Just Laying Here all night in a strange place, reminiscing the days we were stuck up in the Duvet laughing and giggling through the thickest Nights, you whisper a lot of love into my ears and I feel more safe and secure.
Daddy would always get jealous that our bonds disturbed him so much. You were my Confidant then and every single letter I learn or hear must slide into your ears.

Making decisions as a teen to a young adult has not been that swift dunno, some regrettable ones, celebrating growth and achievement brings this nostalgic feeling and it's only your arms that I'm safe to lay🥺 but then you are not there.

Holla Amigo
I'm @utymarvel and I would love to share my insights on the second suggested topic of the week. Which says:

There's always an endless rush of questions to be answered when you climb your bed every day. There is so much to say about how you went, the things you've done, and how they've affected your life. For me, it's been a whole 8 years of doing this alone and then it's been crazy tho.

It has been full of craziness, emptiness, despair, anxiety, hope, happiness, etc.
It's been crazy coz this is literally me talking to myself 😂💔😂 and who does this? Then the emptiness when I get upset about a particular event and all I just have is myself to share or basically when I don't feel comfortable about a particular response gotten from a person.

When I'm happy coz I have achieved something, I feel so happy coz it's a super big flex to single-handedly and independently do something for yourself.

How do you feel when alone answering your thoughts? Possibly you shared things in the past with your mother, grandmother, or sister — someone now no longer with you — do you turn to them asking what would they say if they were with you today? Please share those inner thoughts and fears you carry in your heart.

Source

So ever since you left there has been no absolute place I rest my worries as a human. Maybe because it might not really go well like how it would be with you.

Most times they feel that my opinions about myself don't really matter and it should be all theirs every single time. Most people believe so much in perfection and they feel they've arrived at perfection so whatever any other person does is trash.
Well, I perceive a lot of mockery, condemnation, and judgments so it's easier to win from them.

There's so much criticism and gossip. No one is really trusted and then everything I feel I should share can't really go into their ears so that it won't be aborted, so then it's better to keep at it to myself and just think about them when alone.

I believe so much that if it were to be with You, a lot of decisions would have been made right, a lot of things would have been done better and I would just be a hot cake at all. But then the happiness is that since trauma sets in when I'm thinking of you and your absence, I say this to myself:

If my mommy was here, would she accept this?
How would she do this, how would she handle this, what would be her reaction to this particular event? Well when this eventually happens and this eventually happens I feel relieved and there's still hope for a better life ahead

I'm actually doing everything possible to live right and not regret anything I do and then one day I would have my own family and my own girl and I would make sure that I become a safe place for her to lay her heart just like you did to me.

But then with all these I just feel it's an unhealthy way my Mind is driving me to. I'm literally sulking in my emotions and communicating with someone who is long gone. It's very unrealistic and my mind has been trying to control me.

Source

So what do I know?
I confide in the word of God which you led me to. I remember one of your favorite passages which says trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding
Yes the word of God answers so many questions on my mind very satisfactorily. I believe with this my mental state would be stabilized and hallucinations will be curbed.

I'm calling on my friend @ivyamor to join the contest