Women's Empowerment LOH Contest #171

This week's question

I was happy to read the question from @trucklife-family as empowerment is something that I value a lot. Not just for myself but for others, and in this case, other women. Let's first see which question I will answer:

1️⃣ What does Women Empowerment mean to you and what are some of your personal experiences that motivated you to think/care about women’s empowerment?
Source

Now it seems that I'm a little late writing the post, but I think still in time. And otherwise, at least I got to write about a topic to my heart, right?

I preferred dealing with boys over girls

I've not always been a fan of women in general, looking back I think its safe to say that I always understood boys better and could appreciate their honesty over the sneaky behaviour of many girls (back then they were girls, not women, lol) in my class or the so-called friends or friends of my friends. I often found myself having an instant something against some of these girls, while I could not point my finger on it why that was exactly. Looking back, that was my gut feeling warning me even at an early age as I always turned out correct.

Shy and insecure

While at first, I was shy and insecure, when I started to fall in love and hormones were flying around, I started to open up and feel more confident. I remember that some incidents with my first love was making me speak up more as well. I decided "F you, I don't freaking need you and there's plenty of fish in the sea!". When after this shitty "relationship, read: puppy love" I had no issues getting the attention of those boys that I liked, my confidence grew even more. This guy had kept me small you see, he made me feel like I needed him and nobody else wanted me. He wasn't right, but I believed it while we were together.

Keeping me small

This was not the only guy who tried to keep me small and silent. Although I used to hear from these same guys at the start of our relationships that they loved to have a little pushback over a silent yay-sayer, this was later debunked when they made sure to silence me when I did not agree on their behaviour towards me. A few of them broke me, not a bit, but truly broke something inside that's not even fully healed until today. Thankfully, they also learned me some really valuable life lessons that made me stronger than ever so even these hard times helped me grow a lot.

"If only we knew"

What hurt me in the final violent relationship was having my neighbours tell me "we had no idea, if only we knew or heard something". There I was all this time thinking they'd heard it all, not yet understanding that he felt confident to stand in the open door screaming knowing these neighbours were out for a party a few streets further. At the time of happening I felt so alone and wondered why the neighbours would not call the police while hearing what went down in our house. It broke my heart knowing that they would justify his behaviour while they knew I was nothing what he accused me of.

Deep scars

These events in life leave very deep scars and even if you have someone supporting you through the hard times, you will have to face these traumas at some point. So do I. When finding Steemit at the time, I felt so welcome in the @familyprotection community from @canadian-coconut and @markwhittam that I could share my story and would find supporting words over the shit that went down at the time of happening.

At some point, you think everyone is against you as you can't seem to break the cycle and many people are too blind to see a psychopath's true agenda unless they are the ones targeted by him. I've said it to them before, and I will say it again today, I'm forever grateful for their support and from those within the community that were there, they were a huge part of my personal growth! Thank you <3

Writing to heal

For months and months I wrote, hours and hours a day, often until deep in the night while my boyfriend and daughter slept. I loved the silence of the night when I didn't have any distractions around me and nobody would bother me for hours straight. I always planned to write a book about the true events to debunk my ex's story but over the years, when I had a platform to share my story without being treated like I'm worth nothing, this need to do so vanished because I felt it would open up wounds and do more bad than good. The "writing it off" was enough to continue living. At some point, I didn't cry anymore writing about it and then I knew, I started to heal a bit. Things will never heal fully of course, because I lost a lot close to my heart, but it helped me to keep going.

Only one

I always said to my boyfriend, if there's only one woman reading my story and feels supported or empowered by what I wrote, then it was worth sharing. My path is my path and I'm not saying that everyone should pack a few bags and move to another country like we did, but for me personally, it was the only way. When I dealt with the final abuse at the time, everyone told me to go to a women's shelter as they are there to help me and the kids. If I knew back then what I know now, I'd have acted totally different because this decision broke more than it fixed.

Practical help

When going through such extreme stressful events as I went through, and many women with me all over the world, it's hard to get through the days. Let alone to think clearly about steps to take without them being able to trace your steps. I've always been very capable with money for example, but this relationship made me sink so deep that my ex would spent the last 2 euros in the house on beer over buying bread for the family. And of course, it was all my fault in the end.

Budget help, creating a plan

What I'd offer someone in my situation is see if I can make a financial plan to get them on their own feet, prepare it rather than rush out of the house (if this is possible, of course). And look for options to find the best next step. There are always ways to get out but we often don't believe in ourselves anymore if the time has come to this point.

Once a women sees the opportunities and every little step is taken towards the final moment of getting out of such a relationship, the woman will feel stronger and slowly empowers herself to believe in her capabilities again. Sometimes we need just one person to show us the way to become stronger again.

One person

I only had one person in my life who stood by me through every step of the way and that's my boyfriend. He was dragged into the mess at the time, he picked me up crying many times when I had no strength left to fight and always let me know that he believes in me and until this day he believes more in me than I do in myself, lol. He loves to remind me about that when I feel stuck, and I appreciate that he does it because sometimes I need that kick in the butt!

Trauma leaves deep scars though, it's a process and often a long one too. But as I said, I care about empowering women because I remember as if it were yesterday how it was to feel so lonely and helpless and I don't wish anyone feeling like this.

With that being said, if you ever feel you're in such a situation and want to talk about it, I'm there to listen and see if I can help you.

Thanks @trucklife-family for this week's question <3

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