Frozen heart #91

"Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be, conceal don't feel, don't let them know..."

Above is the Lyric of a song sang in a popular animation titled "frozen". I am a great lover of animated movies, if you are too? Then you probably know the song.

Hi everyone, my name is Queen and it's a great delight to be joining this contest. The song "let it go" gives me a form of memory every time I listen to it, the lyrics has a way of communicating my heart. I have a sweet sour memory attached to this song and I will love to share.

2 Years back, in college, I had a group of friends, they were more of a family to me than friends, we prayed together, studied together, had fun together, and lived together, it was such a pleasant memory because they were so amazing. It was a fellowship, we had a leader and I happened to be the personal assistant to the leader. The leader is a guy by the way.

However, as time Went by I started feeling choked, in sense that there was a lot of restriction, the leader made it look like he was making us bond by having us live together, eat together and do everything together, it was as serious as we not being allowed to move or be friends with anyone outside of our pack, it started to look like a cult.

I started dying inside, I was not happy, I didn't like the idea of sleeping in the same room with a guy, it wasn't convenient for me, I couldn't dress as I wanted, I couldn't speak with whomever I want to, and asking questions contrary to what the leader says is easily seen as rebellion. I wanted space, I wanted my privacy, I loved them so much, but I dint want the restrictions.

There was a time, I had feelings for a guy, my leader restricted me from dating him, he even said we couldn't be friends. I was constantly depressed, my academic grade reduced, my social life died, my talents became dormant because we had to do everything together.

At a point, I couldn't take it anymore, I had cried my eyes out because I needed to make a decision for myself, I needed to get back on track, at that point I didn't even know me again, I had been living in their shadows, I had been trying to be the good kid, being submissive, so I endured, I didn't ask questions because I didn't want to be tagged a rebel.

One beautiful night, I was taking a walk, listening to "let it go" by "Idina Menzel" it was on repeat. All of a sudden, I screamed "I'm gonna let it goooooooo" I was ready to make the decision to leave the pack, even if it's for a moment, I needed to get my own apartment and stop being caged. I was ready to be me, to be free, to be a queen in my own world. That night, I boldly declared to the leader that I was leaving.

Although, the leader tried to cajole me not to leave, that my enemies are trying to deceive me, he even asked me, who I have been listening to, because he felt I must have been taught by someone, looking at my level of boldness. But, my mind was made up already.

I left! Of course, he declared me to the pack that I was now a rebel and instructed that no one speak to me again. It was a painful period, because they were the only friends I had, this happened exactly during covid19, I wept so much but I'm glad I made the decision because now I'm free, free to be who I wanna be, free to be great, and free to grow.

So each time listen to the song, it brings back the memory. A painful memory that led to my freedom.