[LOH-173] The Timid Younger Me and the Courageous Older Me: He Needs to Grow a Backbone First For Us To Stay.  

When you feel alone and you cannot feel the love you want in your own parents or in your own home, the only solution that you can think of is to escape and find it in someone else. Sometimes, out of rebellion against your parents, you will think to do the forbidden act. And even though an alarm sets off and makes a noise while you are in the heat of the moment, you will ignore it as you can only think about the comfort and love you feel for that someone else.

This is me during my teens, the only difference is that I didn't commit that forbidden act as I thought more about what would happen next if I did that back then. I was so close to doing it but stopped halfway, and I can say that was one of the best decisions I ever made. If I got pregnant back then, while I was still in my weakest state, who doesn't own anything and couldn't even stand on my own. And if I encounter rude in-laws who treat me coldly, for sure I will stay, remain silent, and just suck it up with everything. I will just accept all the maltreatment and will just cry in the corner whenever I feel hurt by my sad situations. I mean, what can the young me do anyway?

I will never leave, as I know that the only way I can live is through them, so of course all I can do is follow them. I will surely become a submissive and masochist partner. Although it's hard, what other choice do I have? Right, and it's me who brought that upon myself. And this is why building your own self is very important, for us to become more capable, where we don't have to rely on anyone, and for us to become much stronger. Like, we can do things too without fears and continue to move forward, even though we are just alone in that battle.

Now, to answer that scenario with the adult version of myself,.

Nowadays, premarital sex is rampant among young people. What if you got pregnant and encountered rude in-laws with a partner who was incapable of standing by himself or standing up for you? Would you rather endure their maltreatment or walk out of your relationship and raise your child alone? Why?

I can say that I am more capable now and much stronger too, although I still rely on my parents at times. If ever I face this situation and get pregnant and experience maltreatment from my in-laws while my partner has no backbone and can't even defend me no matter how I beg for it, I will really run away and just live on my own. Or better yet, I will just go back to my oldies and take care of our kid with them. I'd rather do that than endure that kind of treatment from my in-laws and my partner.

I can talk more and maybe try to fix the relationship, but if I see that my partner's parents opinion of whatever is more important to him, then there's no way I will go back to him again. It's either me or his parents, it sounds cold, but in this kind of situation, I really have to be cold, or else we will just face the same problem over and over again. I mean, it should just be me and him, from the decision-making to everything. We are partners, our parents should be out of this. How will we grow if my in-laws are in the middle of it all?

I mean, we can learn together and have each other back too. We can ask for some guidance from our oldies, but that's just it. We will never grow as parents and partners if we rely too much on others. And so, if I feel that it is hopeless already, I will walk out of their lives with our child. And I can make this decision now because, slowly, I am able to build myself. Although I know that I will still face more difficulties no matter how strong I already build myself, at the very least I now have the courage to make a decision and no more fears either ᕦ⊙෴⊙ᕤ.

I know this decision will affect our child more, they will grow without a father figure. Really, there's a lot to consider before a decision can be made, but I want my kid to grow up in a loving home without that pressure and tension. Slowly, I will also make the kid understand why I had to make that decision. It's hard, but I'll try harder to make them understand it.

But if the time comes, and I still like him while he also feels the same about me. And if he finally grows some backbone, maybe I can try to fix it all with him and start over again, if only! But if not, I will focus more my attention to my child and live happily while fulfilling my responsibility as a Mom.