LOH Community Contest #109 - A Closure

Death is the end of our purpose as living beings. I have always thought about how parting ways with the physical world is a horror I wouldn't want to watch happen to me. As a dreaming child, what I wished for ages is a family I can call my own. And I have had that. But perhaps, there will be a time when I can say my last goodbyes to them. And there will be a time when they tell theirs to me as well. My wonders have sought answers all these years as to why being a frightened kid mirrors me until today. Maybe because it's too early for death. Maybe it is the unsaid words I have yet to tell my Mom. Or maybe the idea of uncertainty beyond parting just lives in my mind ever since I have existed.

If this will be my last birthday, I would like to make amends with my scarred inner child as I blow out my candles. I want to become many things. I want to do the things I was not allowed to do as a kid. I want to learn and play instruments. Go out with my closest friends. Be sporty. Join rigorous school training without restriction from my parents. Participate in complex competitions free from doubts about my incapability. Perhaps if I get to do these things, I would recognize myself and realize where I belong. I know there's no time limit to pursue our dreams and goals in life. I just think it's a little too regretful to start now when you were forbidden in the first place. So if I cannot achieve these in the long run to that destination, this is probably what I would wish for.

I have sought an embrace outside this home because I thought no one looked at me and recognize my spirits. A prized daughter you say? So precious as if a curse to everyone. I looked for a way out of this windowsill because I'm alone and my friends cannot see me. But over the years, it seems to me that I was just the average kid you could expect to see in a household of pure longing and dejected affection. I wasted many chances because I'm told I couldn't do things. Looking back is a nightmare but I would still dream the same dream I had when I was a little kid.

Maybe after all those years, reciting my wishes would be too old for me. So I'd give that kid a proper burial with a favorite song instead of a farewell gift. You could have honed your skills in writing and fulfilled one of your dreams as an artist. But that's old news for you now. I would have become wealthy enough to eat my birthday cake alone without leaving everyone's plate empty anymore. I would become many things. Many people. Many dreams. And certainly, my last days would feel a little longer than the life I had.

I want to fulfill that void. See if I can be with a purpose if only I have insisted to take this very path. I would want to reach a certain point of peacefulness within myself before the world ends for me. Maybe find a greater will to stitch an old wound. Maybe heal and recover from the things I have long abandoned.

@rks.wuhdrelis

_{A warrior of liberty. With ink stains on her mind and soul. Maayong adlaw! This page contains the information you might want to know about the author. She goes by the name Arques and is under the username @rks.wuhdrelis. She lives in Cebu, Philippines, and is a proud Bisaya. Arques is an 18-year-old girl, on a mission to her dream college and a writer wannabe is her reputation... Read more.}

_{I would like to invite @lienric, @clairicy, @aeonian, and @amarysss to join the Ladies of Hive community weekly contests. It's a great chance to interact with new people and discover more about ourselves. xx}