Finding My Voice: Navigating Suppression in Marriage [LOH -#204]

Wow, this week, @ifarmgirl brought to us ladies amazing topics to deliberate on and share our thoughts. Before I continue, kindly take a look at the topic description below so we can flow together as I share my viewpoint on it.

A husband told his wife that he wishes her to say "okay" and "yes" to whatever he says to avoid further discussions or arguments. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Would you agree and nod to everything even when it is against your will or feelings?

From what I know, relationships and marriage are built on mutual respect. It's not an institution whereby any of the partners will be making an authoritative decision without considering how the other party will feel about it. I don't think I can achieve a true connection with my partner if he is always silencing my voice as if my opinion doesn't matter, more of I am a lesser being, that's really terrible, I must say. Communication and understanding are vital ingredients that make relationships healthy, and when these are lacking, I am sorry, but that relationship will get sour.

I am aware that a wife owes her husband every respect that he deserves, but that doesn't include saying yes to everything without any freedom of expression, even when the decision is going against her feelings. If you value and respect me as your wife, then my voice should matter in the things that concern us.

In the early years of my marriage, I suffered a little bit of suppression. The feeling was really bad that I felt worthless in my own home. My voice never counted; it was all about my husband's decision alone. To him, he is the head, and I should always respect his opinion without any form of contradictions or arguments. Sometimes, he mentions certain things to my hearing just for me to know and not that I should share my viewpoint on the matter, not at all. His words stand, and he expects me to do as he says. I just sat down and watched things unfold, feeling bad the more, those days. Not even a good communication from him to carry me along in his next plan. The only time I get to hear some things is when everything goes wrong; it's bad! At a point, he started stopping me from certain things I do as a woman, and that was when I knew that I should wake up to correct things before it gets escalated.

I studied his mood to know the best time to respectfully talk to him, expressing my dissatisfaction about his attitude. The truth was that he didn't immediately accept that I was right with all I told him, but most of my words got into his veins, and he started to adjust. I wasn't still satisfied with the little adjustment he was making because in some aspects of his life, I was still in the dark; I knew nothing, and that's because he mentioned that I mustn't know everything to avoid questioning his actions. Wow..at this point, I had to involve our marriage sponsors.

I don't know if other countries do have sponsors while planning for marriages, but here in Nigeria, especially in the Catholic Church, a new couple must present to the priest their marriage sponsors on the day of their white wedding. These sponsors must be people who have been married for some years back with some experience as well and who you think are responsible enough for that role. These were the people I invited to my home to help us in addressing our consistent disagreements and the suppression I was getting from hubby without turning them into conflicts. I think there are some issues that when you silently handle it alone without resolving it, then you should make extra effort to see if things can change. But in everything, it must be handled with respect because that's one thing that men loves. This tactic worked for me anyway, and till date, I never had the same issues in my marriage. My voice now matters, my feelings are considered, and we really now work as a team on every single issue that concerns us, and that's how it's supposed to be.

Wrapping up, I wouldn't say yes and okay to everything my husband says because I am not supposed to be a slave in my own marriage but a partner that should be valued in every aspect that concerns both of us. So what I will do is a typical example of what I explained above through my personal experience in the early days of my marriage.

To participate in this contest, kindly follow this link

Images are mine!!