Perimenopause | Let’s Talk About It

It's mid afternoon, and I'm already struggling to keep my eyes open. The exhaustion I am experiencing cannot be alleviated by a brief nap or a robust cup of coffee. My body feels heavy and hot, and my mind is sluggish. A dull migraine pulses behind my temples, as if to remind me of its persistent companionship. Simple activities, such as cooking dinner or responding to WhatsApp messages, become intolerable. Sometimes, words slip away mid-sentence, leaving me stranded in the middle of my thoughts. I feel bloated, fat, and uncomfortable in my own skin. These are the daily realities of perimenopause.

I have no idea what was going on with me for the past few years. I blamed myself. I told myself I wasn't trying hard enough, wasn't sleeping enough, wasn't eating the right foods, and wasn't coping with stress effectively. I worried that I was falling apart, becoming useless, old, and invisible. These feelings stemmed not only from the symptoms but also from the feeling of isolation they produced. I didn't speak about it because I didn't believe I could.

I remember having an overwhelming feeling of guilt at church last Sunday. As I sat in the chair, attempting to concentrate on the sermon, I fought the impulse to yawn as my eyes watered from fatigue. Despite my best attempts, I fought to stay awake. How could I have allowed this to happen at such a critical moment? I felt like I was failing spiritually, as if my fatigue was a sign of a lack of faith or discipline. Similarly, skipping my regular workouts because I was too exhausted triggered another wave of self-reproach. I used to be proud of remaining active, but now I feel like I am letting myself go. These incidents added to the sentiments of guilt and shame I was already experiencing.

My migraine medication.

Perimenopause is not something we are taught to expect. Perimenopause sneaks up on us, a silent shift that may cause us to question our identity. Society focuses on the physical signs of aging, such as wrinkles and graying hair, but what about the invisible changes? The changes that occur deep within us, shaping how we think, feel, and function? Why aren't these experiences discussed?

The truth is that many women struggle in silence. We were taught to endure, keep going, and "push through" everything life throws at us. But this stoicism has a cost. It isolates us, making us feel like we're the only ones who can't "age gracefully." Not discussing perimenopause leaves us to handle the issues alone, potentially leading to self-blame and shame.

This silence has to end. Perimenopause, like puberty and pregnancy, is a normal developmental stage. It deserves to be addressed, understood, and discussed openly. We need to normalize talking about it in order to foster empathy and connection. Understanding that we are not alone and that others share our challenges allows us to recognize the strength in vulnerability.

For me, embracing perimenopause is a breakthrough. Hearing others say, "I've been there too" or "I'm experiencing that too," has given me comfort. These remarks remind me that I am not broken and that my experience is not unique, since numerous women face similar challenges on a daily basis. Sharing our experiences allows us to feel seen, which is a relief from the loneliness that so often accompanies this journey.

We must normalize discussions about perimenopause not only among women but also in families, workplaces, and communities. When we share our experiences, we can help others learn from them. We remove the stigma that keeps us silent. We create opportunities for greater communication, support, and resources.

I don't exercise as much as I used to, but I keep myself active every day.

To those who are struggling with symptoms such as insomnia, brain fog, migraines, bloating, weight gain, or emotional vulnerability—I see you. You're not alone or any less because of your experiences. Above all, remember that what you are experiencing do not diminish you.

Let us begin to talk about perimenopause and normalize the idea that it is not something to dread or hide, but rather a stage of life that needs respect and compassion. Let us build a culture in which women feel encouraged to share their realities, where we praise the perseverance required to manage these changes, and where no one feels compelled to bear this burden in silence.

Perimenopause does not mean the end of the story. It's a phase of readjusting and transitioning. Like any transition, we find it easier to navigate when we surround ourselves with understanding and support. So, let us make space for these conversations and for each other. Together, we can turn this often misunderstood stage of life into one of shared strength and unity.

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