Living Unapologetically | Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

Self-acceptance is a long and winding journey that is frequently met with battles against self-doubt and a deep desire to please others. Looking at an old photograph of myself from my early thirties, I see more than just an image; I see a woman trying to fit into a mold that did not suit her. I didn't even like the black blouse and skirt I was wearing. My sandals were uncomfortable, and I can still remember feeling miserable in that outfit. At the time, I probably believed I looked good, but behind the surface, I was struggling with self-loathing and insecurity. I was longing for approval from the external world.

As a child, I was a complete tomboy. I wore t-shirts, trousers, and sneakers, with my hair always cropped short. I found dresses, skirts, and anything even remotely feminine to be uncomfortable. I recall grumbling anytime my mother had me wear a dress. Why did I detest it so much? It was because I didn't feel like myself. It wasn't just physical discomfort; it was a deeper, more profound sense of disconnection from my true self. I felt at ease wearing my tomboyish attire. I felt real. My confidence grew naturally, as if my outside appearance finally matched my inner self.

But growing up comes with its own set of pressures. As I grew older, societal expectations and the need for acceptance were increasingly important to me. There seemed to be an unwritten rule that a woman my age should appear polished, professional, and, most of all, feminine. To be regarded seriously, I felt compelled to wear skirts, high heels, and project a specific image. I reluctantly accepted this new outfit, believing that in order to fit in, I needed to suppress the aspects of myself that did not conform to the norm. I swapped in my sneakers for heels, t-shirts for blouses, and authenticity for approval.

Looking back, I realize how much of myself I sacrificed in the process. Not only was I changing my appearance, but I was also shrinking, reshaping, and bending to fit into places I felt I had to be in. Each compromise seemed insignificant at the moment, but combined together, they created a life that did not feel like mine. I was a prisoner to others' expectations, and it required a lot of willpower not to let them consume me completely. After all, it is human nature to desire to please, be liked, and be loved. However, when we base our self-esteem on external affirmation, we lose sight of who we are.

For years, I carried this burden. I convinced myself that dressing in particular fashion or following society norms would make me happy. Regardless of how "presentable" or "professional" I appeared, the underlying discontent persisted. The reality is that seeking approval from others could never compensate for my inability to accept myself. Only when I began to question why I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin did the transformation start.

Self-acceptance was a slow and difficult process. It meant peeling back the layers of expectations I'd accumulated over the years and uncovering the core of who I was. I started small, making conscious decisions to prioritize comfort and authenticity over appearance. I got rid of the high heels that hurt my feet and replaced them with sneakers and boots that felt like home. I cut my hair short again, embracing the style that had always felt most authentic to me. Gradually I began to reorganize my wardrobe, and my life, around what made me happy, rather than what I thought would please others.

With each stride, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I stopped dressing to impress or comply; instead, I dressed to express. And in doing so, I discovered that my true self, which had been buried behind years of people-pleasing, could finally shine. I began to realize the beauty in my authenticity, in the unapologetic manner I presented myself. The more I accepted who I truly was, the less I cared about meeting anyone else's expectations.

One of the most important truths I've learned on this path is that true self-worth cannot be outsourced. It is not based on other people's approval, nor is it determined by how you look or what you achieve. Self-esteem is an internal job. It is about acknowledging your true worth and deciding to honor it, even if it is uncomfortable or unpopular.

In retrospect, I recognize that the discomfort I felt wearing that black blouse and skirt was a reflection of the internal conflict I was experiencing. I was trying to be someone I was not, and my body and soul resisted. The picture I discovered the other day is a poignant reminder of how far I've come. It's a portrait of a woman who was struggling but still had the courage to begin on a journey of self-love and acceptance.

Today, I live unapologetically as myself. I no longer look for validation in my appearance or the approval of others. Instead, I find joy in being true to myself. I've discovered that when you let go of the desire to please, you leave room for true connections without forcing you to sacrifice your authenticity. Perhaps most importantly, I've discovered that simply letting myself be is the most powerful act of self-love.

As I write this, I am reminded of the following words: "If I behave in the way people expect me to behave, I will become their slave." These words ring true because it is an invitation to freedom. They remind me that the courage to be myself is far more valuable than the approval of others. So I choose to walk through life in my sneakers, short hair, and comfortable clothes, knowing that I am enough—just the way I am.

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Note: All images used belong to me unless stated otherwise.

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