Hey folks ...and Happy Monday to you all! For me it is a surprisingly sober one, and it has been a few moons since i have felt so. What do i mean? Anyone who has been following me will know that i have been, on and off, attempting to stop smoking cannabis for quite some time. My last effort almost a year ago now fell right on its face after my cunning plan went totally wrong. Ill spare you the details there, suffice is to say that i was not really ready and was really going through one of the hardest times of my life after losing my home, life, all possessions, and most of my money... after being locked out of India where i lived for 15 years. Now almost 12 months later and a LOT of hard work I have managed to settle into my ecoVillages land and am ALMOST with all the things i need to live and be comfortable. My stress levels are moving toward the normal range, and since four days now i have stopped smoking the 'erb.
Recently a friend asked me why i smoke. Its a question my X wife used to ask me, and i usually gave the same reply.. Its been a crutch for me, although that’s not the reason i give. I have more or less smoked none stop from the moment i wake until the moment i sleep all day. I’ve never even counted how many joints i have smoked, but were into double figures and it was really out of hand. Its not good, and i haven’t been very happy doing it... i have always told myself it give me the ability and strength and patience to push through challenging times, and life in general. Maybe that is true, but maybe that is a kind of self delusion. Im pretty sure that being uber stoned all of the time has caused a pretty large amount of bad decisions, and mistakes in oh so many ways. Im sure it also affects my connections with others, and my ability to be really open and social. It also effects the kind of people that i attract and connect with.. as well as the type of connection i have with everyone.
SO why the heck have i been doing this to myself.. continuing to smoke EVEN though i have had this sore throat for THREE YEARS NOW! and before that i had a one year episode of literally being unable to breathe due to some kind of hyperventilation panic problems.. smoking made it worse, yet i continued to do it. Its been a very strong force to reckon with and yet now finally i have found the will to do it! TO answer the question of why i smoke then, very simply i smoke when i feel lonely, and i smoke when i feel bored and unfulfilled. It keeps my heart warm, and allows me to keep pushing on even when i have many great challenges. Nevertheless, it actually has not really helped, its purely psychological.. like a crutch that gives me something to look forward to, something to keep pacifying me, and something to distract me.
The turning point happened whilst i was in fact speaking with my X Clara on the phone a few days ago. We were talking about various things and then the topic of smoking came up. I told her that i was fed up being stoned, and i was also TOTALLY fed up with having this sore throat all day every day for years. Clara told me a few things, and in particular she decided to tell me that when she looks at my energy field and tried to help from afar she can always feel this great resistance. Something doesn’t want her to help me, and she hadn’t been able to help me. She said it felt like an external entity, and not a very nice one either! This really got my attention and even though it was hard to hear, i could feel it was true.
My body and my soul has been almost begging me to stop this for at least 10 years ... and yet every time i have the chance to stop i have not wanted to. That is probably the best definition of addition that i can come up with! So, whatever Clara said, it just clicked something in my being. Suddenly i felt like i don’t want to be subservient to some entity that doesn't want me to evolve and be happy. I am the boss of my life, and im not going to let someone or something sabotage it or take it away. Enough is enough!
So this is my sharing today. Maybe you can relate to some of this. If you have been trying to stop smoking for some time i hope this can be of some inspiration. It is only day 4, and as anyone with addictions knows, its all too easy to fall back into old habits. We have to be resolute about what we want out of life, and realise that every day can be so powerful, or nothing at all.. it is our choice!
Have a great week everyone! much love xxx
Just for fun i leave you with some photos of the land and some of the things ive been busy with! A good ecoVillages update is coming soon!
I can 1000% relate... I think a lot of people can. Cannabis tends to have this pristine image (unless if you're like... hardcore christian/conservative) like it can't do much harm(other than the 'lazy stoner' sort of image) it's sort of seen as being mild. And yeah, I get that too, it is in respect to the spectrum of 'whats out there.' But it's not 'without teeth' either. I wrote an article about it a while back in the olden steem days... but yeah... Eventually it does turn from a blessing into a curse if not done with the right intentions or without intention. I've also felt that it does affect 'clarity' which is often what we use to navigate this world, internal and external, private/public etc... also the degree to which we can organize our thoughts also relates outwards to the world we create with our consciousness.. I've had a friend once tell me that 'weed people' are less reliable and in my own experience, seeing from both sides I have to admit that is often true! So yeah... hoping it works out good for you! I was listening to Aaron Doughty (youtuber) talk about quitting cannabis and he mentioned there was some sort of experiment done, where they 'mapped out consciousness' or something of various substances/psychological states or something and at first I was like "woo woo, yes mapping a number to a subjective experience... uh huh...' but listened a bit more and it made a bit more sense when he said it had something to do with muscle tension or something... I'd have to find the video to mention the specifics of what this was called but yeah, he said Cannabis was on a higher frequency/level than of alcohol, i think alcohol was like 250 on this scale and cannabis was about 350... Wich was putting it into the range of 'acceptance' and I would say that is a great way to put it. It can put you into a state of acceptance but there are also higher states out there that we can acheive... I think this scale was going up beyond 8 or 9 hundred if I remember correctly. Also interesting is Graham Hancocks story about quitting cannabis you should look into, you might find it interesting. Joe Rogan spoke to him about it on the Joe Rogan Experience. Probably better hearing it from the horses mouth than me trying to paraphrase. Also a big part of the allure in the cannabis thing is yeah, sometimes "it is good," and of course a big part of that can be the addiction speaking. Which like any other addiction, hijacks our own pleasure/reward systems... therefore giving us the 'good' feelings when we placate the addiction (temporarily, of course) but then that's not so... available for other 'feel good' moments in life... So it's hard to say exactly whats what. It's certainly different for each individual, but also... I think that it's a common struggle like I said before... I heard someone say if you struggle with smoking, you gotta quit for a long, long time... and then (if ever) switch up your ROA (route of administration) i.e. edibles. Anyways, have a great week. I'm sure you'll be feeling even more awesome in no time ;) One last thing, there's something called 'Weed Emesis'(Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome) which can happen to longtime smokers... I've seen it not personally but it is actually a thing. Basically you're just throwing up and throwing up constantly, the only thing that helps is hot showers/baths...and... COLD TURKEY!
You got this! You're your OWN ENTITY! :)
thank you! great comment, and thanks for the share!!!! lol.. enjoying that tune!!!! listening now.. great advice too on edibles.. a friend of mine also got clean on that route... much .love!
WOW, these guys are amazing,, listening to the whole playlist on Ytube.. inspiring!! YEAH! thank you brother!
Interesting to note that he deems the 'green bitch' as his relationship with Cannabis and not so much the plant itself. Which I think is definitely the more 'enlightened' attitude...
hey! thanks for this share.. ill be watching this later today!! x
I hope everything gets better for you over time!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us! Few are able to take on this moment of need to quit smoking or at least decrease it, modify the habit. We often get caught up in vicious cycles that turn something that was magical into a certain prison, a habit that slows us down. Everything has its moment and its right dose.
That's great you recognized that cannabis was not for you. I imagine there are many who can also quit, or at least cut back. I know myself, I used to smoke everyday from morning, to bedtime like you. Now that I am very busy with work, and my family, I only smoke when I get home, and after we eat dinner. This has been a game changer for me!
nice! yes i hope to find a better balance.. for now though i best go clean! congrats for your changing the game.. i never had the family so didnt have that pressure.. thanks for the comment!
I relate to this very much and so appreciate your vulnerable truth. I think many people right now are are asking ourselves is this for my highest good? I was sober from everything for 2 and a half years and I felt so in tune with myself. You got this and I love that you shared this with all of us. So glad you had a dear friend to help reflect what they were experiencing with you and for you to see the medicine in that. You got this 🙌🙌🙌
thank you for this.. and the support.. i got this.. those words help they really do! big hugs xxx
I am so glad! You are worthy and loved 💜
Your post made me think about when I smoked pott the last time, I can´t even remember, I only know it was before December 2004, when I joined the Yoga ashram in Germany, where alcohol, smoking and all drugs were verboten.
So I went there and stopped everything from one day to the other.
For me it was easy because I don´t have the work ethics to be even a proper addict. 😘
wow! thats amazing .. well done you.. love the way you frame it.. lol xxx
I totally understand where you come from, I had to go cold turkey for a while and it took a lot of effort to do so but It felt amazing, I wish you good luck on your journey buddy ^^!
glad to hear it felt amazing± im yet to experience that stage.. but i can feel it comeing.. thanks for the support!! x
We do things like smoking weed because we like it. But if we (like you in this case) don't like it any more it's a good reason not to do it. Once you stop missing it, I'm sure you are really going to start liking not being stoned.
By the way, those are some exciting pics you posted! Can't wait to read the story behind them.
thanks brother! its been a breeze surprisingly.. no craving.. i have had just a few joints as my rule is opportunistic is OK eg at a party if someone has it.. but im not buying it and really hardly touching it.. i feel the same except for not totally bleary eyed lol
yes the story coming soon! im so busy setting everything up i keep wanting to wait until its done before i photograph and post more..
just got a 5Kw li ion solar system delivered yesterday.. SO excited to run the water pumps on it and get irrigating!!
Never had an addiction to cannabis but I just recently started breaking my caffeine addiction. About 6 days into it. It's surprising how hard it is to stop but it was getting to the point where it wasn't helping my energy level at all anyway.
Thanks for sharing. It's not easy to let the world know your faults.
congrats! sometimes i think caffeine is harder to give up than many other drugs including cannabis.. which is not physically addictive at all for me.. much love xx