From a higher view, we are playing cops and robbers in this life, or cowboys and indians.
When you croak, you will know this.

When you get to the after life party, you two, you three will talk on and on about all the things you did to, and for each other. "Wasn't i a good bad guy?"

From our view, it makes no sense why you would plan to hurt someone.

And it really sucks to have a relationship where you have to carry all the burden. Have to be the big person, just in order to have any relationship.

A relationship takes two people who are working on keeping the relationship working.
All other configurations are just failing, failed, or non-existent relationships.

I am sorry you had to deal with an alcoholic parent, and what was probably an enabler parent.