I Am Exhausted

That's about the only way I can describe how I feel right now.

Just recently I started taking a course through Enterprise Academy and it has totally turned my ability to move forward upside down because I have purpose.

However where I find myself today is barely able to peel myself off the couch in order to feed myself never mind my kids or doing anything else.

This so hard.

I often find myself unable to find balance. I'm one of those people where it's all in or all out. Yes, it has it's benefits. When you're going all in you can get things done fast and hard. Balls to the wall so to speak. But when you crash you're out for days.

And in the meantime I often wonder what's wrong with me. Why am I on top of the world conquering it and the next day I'm laying on the floor crying cause I don't want to do this anymore?

Worst of all why can't I get ahead and be on a level playing field like everyone else?

So today I made a salad.

I know, it's just a salad.

But it meant the world to me today.

Because it was made from ingredients my friend had gifted me, ingredients that my husband had bought and ingredients that I had worked for.

And I made something beautiful out of something so simple that tasted delicious.

It reminded me that no matter what, my peeps have got my back. It reminded me that even when I'm ready to put myself in the trash and start over cause I'm just done, simple things can remind you that things are good and sometimes simple things can get you through just as easily when you scale it back just like going hard.

It's ok to rest.
It's ok to tone it down and still be great.

This mental revamp as well as the research and trying to conquer the world at once has been exhausting.

One day I'll achieve the goals I have set forth for myself.
One day I'll be able to build that salad all by myself with the ingredients I bought/grew.

And in the meantime I'll appreciate what I got going on and give thanks for life and it's lessons.