Happy New Year everyone, @otherbrandt here reporting for duty with about as much enthusiasm as I could manage to salvage from where it was scattered sadly across the floor all good and mixed up with all the shattered dreams and broken promises I keep forgetting to sweep up and stop thinking so much about. I sincerely hope your 2022 is off to a start that's at least slightly more than mediocre and unremarkable like the start that mine is off to. As usual I have more or less nothing useful to say about anything at all but I'm going to say things anyways so bear with me while I grind my way through yet another Campsite Cleanup that I've been putting off writing about since before I even arrived at the campsite and cleaned it up if that makes any sense.
So here's the story:
Recently me and my old unfaithful and always disgraceful Subaru, Yolo McFukitol, were dug in and hunkered down camping and having a few dozen beers at the S-Tree Campground in the Daniel Boone National Forest near McKee, Kentucky. It was a very fine campground indeed with only one other human anywhere to be seen (and a quiet agreeable one at that), and had the Forest Service not announced that starting in 2022 it would be adjusting the fee from None to $15/Night me and YMF would certainly be planning to return. Alas, such is life when you reside in a country that cares about little besides funding its war machine and world police force.
Let's get right into it now, shall we?
Ohhh, a bottle would you look at that. We're off to a good start here. I couldn't tell what was inside it but it looked like congealed blood.
So I suppose this is probably the plastic bag they used to suffocate the victim.
If you look closely you can see what appears to be bloodspatter.
Looks like they attempted a lynching at some point. Pretty shoddy work if you ask me.
Tobacco for the poor bastard's last cigarette?
Meanwhile the killers chain-smoked their way through several packs. Not nice, not nice at all.
Anyhow.
I searched all over that campground and couldn't find the body.
Continue. STOP. Thank you. STOP. God bless. Stop.
Don't tell me what to do! Okay. Don't tell me what to do! Okay.
Enjoy this slice of !PIZZA, or don't!
You repeat yourself. You repeat yourself.
I'd share a beer, but I drunk it last night...
It's okay I have enough.
source
I didn't see the blood spatter, but I did see a depression in the area you found the congealed bottle of blood, so I think the body was buried there. If only you had a cadaver dog in tow, you would have found it in the sniff of a nose.
Did you score that sweet length of rope? Rope is always handy to have on hand.
I have no energy left to tell you what to do. It's dreadful. I'm using it all to fend off crazy people that stick their nose in where they ought not to.
Shower once a week and a warm basement floor! That's the lap of luxury.
I didn't keep it because I have plenty of rope already, but I did cut it down out of that poor tree.
Best of luck fending off the crazy people. Have you considered just killing them?
I should have known you'd be all set for rope. Excellent for rescuing the tree! There are now all these dead trees being cast on the sidewalk for garbage collection. I thought of the scarred trees as I walked by them today.
I find killing to be an excessive amount of time, trouble, work and well, consequences I don't want. I have a three step rule.
The look
This is highly effective for reasons I can't publicly say and usually addresses any issues.
One or two sentences reinforced with "the look" and an extra hard punch of a non-physical nature.
Showing one of my "presents" I keep handy for problems. Everyone likes presents, right?
It is extremely rare for any situation to escalate to number three.
Tell me more about your guns.
I'm in Canada, eh. We aren't allowed to have many of those things, all highly restricted also. I've never owned a gun.
My presents are special custom crafted ones 😉
You could always just 3D print a gun. Nice and untraceable that way.
You carved them yourself didn't you.
We're not allowed to do that in Canada. Even tools are a problem, based on my reading of the criminal code.
Sort of, if you consider filing and sealing from rust, grouping of items on an, um, extend-a-thing, oiling up mechanisms for smooth extension, yes, yes indeed. Did you know carving tools are great presents to give, but for some reason, an old partner never wanted to buy them for me. I'm wondering if it was the blade aspect or the mallet aspect, or just all tools. Never really found out.
Of course we want you to continue. This is YMF claim to fame. Don't take that away from him. And it also has been giving me the itch to camp. Just booked a $15 squirrels nest, which I imagine will be rather scratchy and really increase the itching. I'm hoping it comes with free nuts. They didn't specify.
Watch out for those squirrels, they'll leave a bucket of nuts in your nest and you won't realize you're paying $2.50 a pop till you try to check out and they show you the bill.
I suppose it is never a good idea to do business with a squirrel. Maybe I will tell them I didn't eat the nuts, I just buried them in little holes...I'm just not sure where. They should relate to that.
You could also try the old trick of eating the nuts, but then gluing the shells back together and putting them back in the bucket so it looks like they were never eaten.
You don't think their sense of smell is too good? I'm afraid they will sniff out the Elmer's. Maybe I will just spray my perfume all over everything so that their super-powered sniffers are so overwhelmed their eyes will water.
Or...I could bring my own nuts. I'm not that keen on acorns anyway.
I think Elmer's makes fragrance-free glue, that might work. Bringing your own nuts would probably be easier though.
Easier, but no adventure. I've got until May to evaluate the risk. Squirrel jail might be really nice.
Maybe just use a glue they can get high off. That will double the fun for you and it won't be a total loss for the squirrels.
Sorry for eavesdropping.
I can see the manager squirrel now, all dizzy and silly, tossing a free acorn in every direction like poop from a monkey. That might just work nicely.
kamp ve piknik alanları ne yazıkki böyle. çok üzücü.
Yeah people are so inconsiderate. That's why I do what I do! :)
!PIZZA
bir gün ben de bunu yapmaya başlayabilirim. aklımda vardı aslında. iyi bir örneksiniz.
Do it! The gods will certainly smile upon you :)
I was glancing through your post and mostly looking at the pictures but as soon as I saw the bloodspatter I had to read the entire post. And because there was no body, I humbly suggest that you continue this series because some day... some day.
Well if there's any good reason to keep this going it's the possibility of finding a body out there somewhere. I will keep plugging away.
!PIZZA
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Please vote for pizza.witness!
@dandays, @otherbrandt almost found a body!